Page 12 - Sacred Gift

I had reached a pinnacle in my life. The last step (current step at that point) led to a mountain top with all kinds of birds and wildlife surrounding me. A very pleasant picture.
Then he went on to describe the next five steps (future) of my life ultimately leading to step 10, death.
It wasn’t a pleasant description. Up to that point, my life had its ups and downs like any life, but in the end, I had reached a pinnacle beyond what I had ever dreamed of.
Keep in mind a man of 44 years old with a continuing problem of low self-esteem.
The picture Ted described from that pinnacle on (the future) was a slow decline from the mountain peak into a deep valley.
Wow, I would hit bottom?
I was still young. I wasn’t ready to quit. I had more to do. I was wealthy enough with FedEx stock to retire and live a good live. My kids were grown, nearly through college, and doing well.
Had I known what I know now, I don’t believe that slow decline to a deep valley need have occurred. Low self-esteem kept propelling me to succeed – to prove that I was worth something.
I had a wonderful new wife Karen, a cottage that I had personally built in Vermont where I had spent my childhood summers, a home in a Colorado resort and a new home in Memphis, Tennessee.
Little did I realize or accept that I was on my way down.
It certainly didn’t feel like a dim future awaited me. I now understand what an “ego trip” can be like and how unconscious I was at the time because of the ego trip. When I experienced the results of low self- esteem, I found that I would go on ego trips where I could do no wrong. I have since learned that it was my way of compensating.
I thought I had finally overcome the ravages of poor self-esteem. Just the opposite. I was prone to making hasty and poor decisions.
Intuition: Your Sacred Gift 9