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when we thought we were forging forward and conquering mountains,
we actually turn out to have been spinning our wheels, going nowhere
at all. Fueled by a host of factors, from ego to peer pressure, from
base desire to instant gratification, in retrospect, the glitter and
excitement of those glory days turn out to be false gold, the product
of a waste of time or far worse. Alternatively, those least glorious
periods in our lives when we remained relatively stationary and bit
the bullet to build a career or family, saved money to accomplish a
life dream, or engaged in restraint and discipline to conquer serious
character flaws, often turn out to be those times when we actually
grew and progressed the most.
When mapped out, the journeys and encampments in the desert
seem to lack any coherent rationale or direction. The Jews seem to
have been wandering aimlessly in the desert. Likewise, many times
euterOnOmyuterOnOmyuterOnOmy
e e
in life the paths we take do not seem to be progressing in a logical d d d dd d d d d dd deuterOnOmyeuterOnOmyeuterOnOmy
fashion. One step forward and two steps back is the popular phrase
םי ִר ָב ְדּ ָב ְדּ ָב ְדּ ָב ְדּיר ָב ְדּ ָב ְדּ
םי ִרִרִרִִר
that sums up much of how we experience life. Yet, when God grants
us a certain level of retrospective clarity, we can perceive how every םי םי ם םי
step of the way played an integral part in formulating the whole. In
this portion, at the end of the book of Numbers and after forty years
in the desert, the Torah seeks to reveal the hidden logic that was at
play from the very beginning.
eVarimVarimVarim
e e
People at the end of their lives also tend to review their lives d d d dd deVarimeVarimeVarim
retrospectively, through what one hopes is the wisdom acquired along
the way. Few things are sadder to witness than an elderly person bitter
and disappointed at what he or she did with the precious gift of life.
If we realize throughout that God’s loving-kindness is accompanying
us every step of the way, when we make our final accountings of
our lives, the bottom line should be fundamentally positive. Blessed
are those who leave this world at peace with themselves, their loved
ones, and their Creator.

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