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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander # רדנלדירפ םייח ברה 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 4 - B | 18-08-28 | 11:06:24 | SR:-- | Cyan 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 4 - B | 18-08-28 | 11:06:24 | SR:-- | Black 280818_efi-ab - 280818_e
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 3 - Lesson 2 ד רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶל ְֶ ר ִר ִׁ
for the benefit of her husband. Even if we unintentionally ‘receive’ ת ֶַי ֶכ ְר ֶבּ ץ ָמ ֲא ַמ ל ִֶ ה ָע ָר ְֶ ַה ל ָכּ ל ַע תוּל ְכּ ַתּ ְס ֶה ל ִֶ ֶ ָד ָח
those ‘favors’ incidentally, we would be obligated to express our
gratitude. We learn this from the behavior of Rebbe Chiyya (in תּדּ ֶמּ ַה ה ִלּ ֵא - תֶי ַבּ ַה תוּמ ֵל ְֶוּ דּסְי פ ַע ַמ ְל תּבּט תּדּ ֶמ רוּׁ ֶֶ ְו
Gemara Yevamot 63a). Rebbe Chiyya had a wife who constantly !ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה ת ִא וּנ ֵת ָדּב ֲע ַבּ ם ַגּ וּנ ָתּא תֶּ ְמּ ֶַ ְמ ַה פ ֵה פ ֵה
aggravated him and she did the opposite of whatever he asked of
her. Whenever he would find something that he could give her as
a gift (Rashi – Something appropriate for her) he wrapped it in his
scarf and gave it to her as a present. Rav said to Rebbe Chiyya –
She is aggravating the master, why are you giving her gifts? Rebbe .ד רמאמ
Chiyya answered Rav “It is enough that she raises our children and
saves me from sin.” We see from the Gemara that as Rebbe Chiyya
was walking along the street he was thinking to himself how he תוֹבוֹטּ ַה תוֹדּ ִמּ ַה ֵמ - וֹתּ ְשׁ ִא ְל ה ָב ֲה ַא
could express his appreciation to his wife for what she does for the
wellbeing of their family. He took the item he bought as a gift for
her and wrapped it in his scarf, and presented it to her in a respectful וּב ְיּ ִח )ה ָבּט ת ַר ָכּ ַה ֵמוּ תוּפ ָתּ ֻשּׁ ַה ֵמ ת ַע ַבּנּ ִֶ( וֹז ָכּ ה ָב ֲה ַא ל ַע ְו"
way. He did not mention to Rav that he owes her gratitude for
preparing his food, etc., for it appears that she did not do those תוֹדּ ִמּ ַה ת ַח ַא ֵמ ק ַר ,ל ָל ְכּ ה ָו ֲא ַתּ ַה ת ַדּ ִמּ ִמ הּ ָני ֵא וֹז ה ָב ֲה ַא .ל"ַז ֲח
things for him, but she raised their children, as she did those things ב ֵהּא" תּי ְה ֶל וּנ ָתּא וּבְיּ ֶח ל" ַז ַר .'וּכ ְו "הֶז ָבּ םי ִב ָיּ ֻח ְמּ ֶשׁ תוֹבוֹטּ ַה
for herself and for her children. And regarding the reality that she
saves him from sin, that was something that happens automatically ם ִה ֵמּ ִֶ תּדּסְי ַה ת ִא ַח ֵתּ ַפ ְל אוּה בוּיּ ֶח ַה ."ּפוּג ְכּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא
since she is his wife. Chazal are teaching us that for every good we ,תּבּטּ ַה תּדּ ֶמּ ֶמוּ ה ָל ֲע ַמ הּ ָלּ ֻכּ אי ֶה ִֶ ,ּז ת ִנ ִדּ ֻע ְמ ה ָב ֲה ַא ת ַח ַמּצ
receive we must show gratitude even if the giver had no intention פ ָר ָמ פֶּ ְל ֶכּ( תוּדּ ְח ַא ְת ֶה ְל תוּל ְדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶה - ה ָרי ֶצְי ַה ת ַנ ָוּ ַכּ אי ֶה ְו
to do that good for us and there are many complaints against that
benefactor. ַחוּתּ ֶׁ ל ַע דֹב ֲע ַל ךְי ֶר ָצ ה ָנֶּא ֶר ָה ה ָנ ָשּׁ ַבּ דוּחֶי ְבּ .)א"ּז ֲח ַה
And if you were to ask how will the wife accept constant ה ָדּב ֲע ּז ,ה ָבּט ה ָדּ ֶמוּ ה ָל ֲע ַמ ל ָכ ְב ֶכּ .ּתָי ְע ַר ְל ה ָנּכ ְנּ ַה ה ָרי ֶזּ ַה
expressions of gratitude, won’t they appear to her as being insincere ,תּד ָרּמוּ תּל ֲע ַמ ּז תוּח ְתּ ַׁ ְת ֶה ְבּ ֵֶי .פ ַמ ְזוּ ב ֵל ת ַמיֹ ֶש ת ִֶ ִרּדּ ַה
exaggerations? Please understand that a person never tires of
receiving thanks although perhaps he tires of giving thanks. He must .תּרי ֶה ְמ תּא ָצּת ְל תּׁ ַצ ְל ר ֶָ ְפ ִא י ֶא ְו
- ם ִהי ֵני ֵבּ ה ָמּ ַכּ .פ ִד ֵע פ ַג ְו םֹנּ ֶהי ֵגּ ה ִז - ה ִז ת ַמּ ֻע ְל ה ִז ת ִא םַגּ
and teacher the Rav Gaon and Tzadik Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler פי ֵבּ ס ַחַי ְל דוּחֶי ְבּ ה ִפָי ּחֹכּ ה ִז ר ָמ ֲא ַמ .]א"פ ה ָבּ ַר ת ִל ִהֹר[ ח ַפ ִט
ZT”L, and his Rebbetzen wife A”H brought us a cold drink. How
our teacher the Rav praised her with a wide smile of appreciation on ,םֹנּ ֶהי ֵגּ ח ַתּ ַׁ ְתֶי - ע ַב ִטּ ַל לֹכּ ַה ת ִא םי ֶרי ֶא ְֶ ַמ ם ֶא .ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל ֶי ֶא
his face and with words of thanks, “Thank you very much,” as if she םי ֶר ְצּי - תּבּט תּדּ ֶמ ל ִֶ ה ָדּב ֲע ַל ס ַחַיּ ַה ת ִא םי ֶמ ְמּר ְמ ם ֶא ְו
did something remarkable for him, and not something that was self-
understood. .פ ִד ֵע פ ַגּ
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