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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander 4 רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 3 - Lesson 2 ם״במרה ירבדמ - י ֶעי ֶב ְר ר ִר ִׁ

“opens up his eyes.” She does this by preparing for him all of his
needs in order for him to be able to devote himself to his Torah
and service to Hashem Yitbarach, and successfully complete his
mission. (And G-d forbid the wife becomes sick and the family’s
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needs now all become the responsibility of the husband - he will י ִעי ִב ְר ק ֶר ֶפּ
very quickly learn to acknowledge the truthfulness of these things
and just how much his wife helps him).
ם" ַבּ ְמ ַר ָה י ֵר ְב ִדּ ִמ
Eliyahu taught us how a husband must value all of his wife’s efforts
in order to actualize his gratitude to her. It is not enough that the תוּשׁי ִא תוֹכ ְל ִה ֵמ ו"ט ק ֶר ֶפּ ףוֹס
husband’s gratitude to his wife is something he acknowledges and
feels in his heart, rather, he must endearingly verbalize to her his
feelings of appreciation. תּא ָרּה פ ֵתּנ ו"ט ר ִר ִׁ ףּס ְבּ תוֶּי ֶא תּכ ְל ֶה ְבּ ם"ַבְּמרַָה
ה ָכ ָל ֲה ַה ת ִא ד ַמ ְל ֶנ ה ָב ָה .ה ִז ם ֶע ה ִז ג ֵה ַנ ְת ֶה ְל ךְי ֵא ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָל ְו ֶי ֶא ָל
The truth of the matter is that conveying appreciation and gratitude
is a great encouragement to foster additional favors, as this lesson .ג ֵה ַנ ְת ֶה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ל ַע ַבּ ַה ךְי ֵא - וּנ ָל ת ַע ַגּנּ ִֶ
finds application in the business world where sales people and
people who serve the public are taught to thank their customers in ם ָד ָא פי ֵבּ ִֶ תּו ְצ ֶמּ ַבּ תוּיּ ֶד ָד ֲה פי ֵא ִֶ ֶי ֶגּ ְד ַה ְל םּר ָמּ ַה ןאָכּ
order for them to come back and buy again. That is why the words
“Thank you, please come back again soon” are printed on shopping - ר ַמּל פי ֵא .ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל ֶי ֶא פי ֵבּ תוּג ֲה ַנ ְת ֶה ַבּ אלֹ פ ֵכ ְו ,ּר ֵב ֲח ַל
bags. That being so, with absolute certainty it has been tested and תּבּח ַה ת ִא י ֶנ ֲא א ֵלּ ַמ ֲא ,י ַׁ ַל ְכּ תּבּח ַה ת ִא א ֵלּ ַמ ְמ ה ָתּ ַא ם ֶא
validated that it is worthwhile to express “thanks” even though the א ָלּ ִא ,תי ֶד ָד ֲה א ָר ְס ֶע ם ָני ֵא ּר ֵב ֲח ַל ם ָד ָא פי ֵבּ תּו ְצ ֶמ י ֶכּ .ךָי ִׁ ַל ְכּ
motive is not entirely sincere. However, with this thoughtfulness-
training his appreciation will eventually become completely sincere. תּכ ְל ֶה םוּיּ ֶר פ ֵכ ָל .םּר ָמּ ַל ם ָד ָא פי ֵבּ ם ַגּ ה ָרּתּ ַה תּבּח ם ֵה

The great enemy of gratitude is drudgery, the same monotonous םוּיּ ֶר ְבּ תּיוּל ְתוּ תּנ ְת ֻמ פ ָני ֵא ֶי ֶא ָה ל ַע תּל ָטּ ֻמּ ִֶ ם" ַבּ ְמ ַר ָה
feeling that “all wives do those things for their husbands.” . ָהי ִל ָע תּל ָטּ ֻמּ ַה תּכ ָל ֲה ַה ת ִא ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה
Therefore one must constantly encourage and strengthen anew
one’s appreciation for his wife and thank her for all of the good וּוּ ֶצ פ ֵכ ְו" :]ט"י ה ָכ ָל ֲה ו"ט ר ִר ִׁ תוֶּי ֶא תּכ ְל ֶה[ ם" ַבּ ְמ ַר ָה פֶּ ְל הֶז
things she routinely does for him. The main work a wife does is
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הּ ָב ֲהּא ְו ּפוּגּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ִא ד ֵבּ ַכ ְמ ם ָד ָא א ֵהְיּ ִֶ םי ֶמ ָכ ֲח
אלֹ ְו .ּנּמ ָמ י ֶפ ְכּ הּ ָת ָבּט ְבּ ה ִבּ ְר ַמ ,פּמ ָמ ּל ֵֶי ם ֶא ְו .ּפוּג ְכּ
13. It is likely that this is the same Rebbe Yossi who said after he heard
these words from the mouth of Eliyahu (Gemara Shabbat 118b) הִי ְהֶי אלֹ ְו ,ת ַח ַנ ְבּ הּ ָמּ ֶע ּרוּבּ ֶדּ י ֶהי ֶו ,ה ָר ֵתְי ה ָמי ֵא ָהי ִל ָע לי ֶטַּי
“Throughout my life I never once called my wife – “My wife,” rather,
I called her – “My home,” as he learned to value her appropriately in ."פ ָז ְג ַר אלֹ ְו ב ֵצ ָע
everything she does.
14. I remember one hot summer day when I was in the house of my rebbe 

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