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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 3 ב רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶל ְֶ ר ִר ִׁ
Tov because that is a time of great pressure in all households and .ב רמאמ
his criticism will not be accepted. Rather, he should wait for an 4
appropriate calm time, and even then he should say what he has to
say calmly in order that they will listen to him. He should not speak בוֹטּ ַה ת ַר ָכּ ַה
to them in an accusing or confrontational voice “Why did you do
that!” or “Why didn’t you do it this way!” Rather, he should speak
to them in an indirect way “It is fitting or appropriate to do it in this לוֹד ָגּ אוּה ה ָבוֹטּ ַה ת ַר ָכּ ַה ן ַי ְנ ִע ְו ...בוֹטּ ַה ת ַר ָכּ ַה ד ַצּ ִמ ה ָב ֲה ַא ָה ן ֵכ ְו"
way,” or speak to them in a plural form – and use the word “We,”
“We should conduct ourselves in this way.” In any event he must try ה ָב ֲה ַא ָה ת ִס ִסּ ַבּ ְת ֶמוּ ת ַח ַמּצ וי ָל ָע ִֶ לּד ָגּ דּסְי ."רוּע ִשׁ ןי ֵא ְל
not to express any criticism at a time when his family is frantically ךְי ֶר ָצ ם ָד ָא ָה ִֶ תּבּטּ ַה תּדּ ֶמּ ַה ת ַח ַא י ֶהּז .בּטּ ַה ת ַר ָכּ ַה אוּה
working under pressure and he finds some fault with something
they are doing, because it is likely that his wife will justify what she י ֶפ ְכּ ,םּר ָמּ ַל ם ָד ָא פי ֵבּ פ ֵה ְו ,ּר ֵב ֲח ַל ם ָד ָא פי ֵבּ פ ֵה ,ּמ ְצ ַע ְל ל ֵגּ ַס ְל
did and prove herself correct. Instead of a confrontation he should ם ָד ָא ָה י ֶכּ ,ּז ה ָדּ ֶמ פַי ְנ ֶר אוּה ל ַר אלֹ ְו .ב ָתּ ְכ ֶמּ ַבּ פ ָלּ ַה ְל ר ַבּ ְסֻיּ ִֶ
postpone making his comment and wait for a more relaxed time.
In any event he should not voice his criticism in front of others and ,"ה ָדּתּ רי ֶס ֲא" ם ַגּ אוּה ,ה ָבּט רי ֶכּ ַמ אוּה ִֶ ל ָכ ְכּ ִֶ ֶי ֶגּ ְר ַמ
not in front of the members of the family, rather just the opposite, in פ ָוי ֵכּ ֶמוּ .ה ָבּט ּל רי ֶנ ֲע ַמ ַל ד ָבּ ְעֶֹ ְמוּ ה ָדּתּ ת ֵת ָל בֵיּ ַח ְת ֶמ וּנְי ַה
front of others he must justify his wife and unite with her in support
of her actions. ל ַע ה ָבּטּ ַבּ ר ֵפּכּ אוּה ,ד ֵבּ ְע ַתּ ְֶ ֶה ְלוּ בֵיּ ַח ְת ֶה ְל ה ִצּר ם ָד ָא פי ֵא ִֶ
ת ִא פי ֶט ְר ַמ םי ֶנ ָׁ ל ָכּ ל ַע ּא ,תּא ָל ְתּ ַמ ֲא ַו םי ֶצוּר ֵתּ י ֵני ֶמ ל ָכּ י ֵדְי
Also, one must never make comparisons of her to other people. For
example, “Why don’t you do the same thing my mother does,” “… ה ִפּכּ" פֶּ ְל ֶכּ( "ה ָבּטּ ַבּ ה ִפּכּ" ל" ַז ַר פֶּ ְל ֶכּ ,ל ֵבּ ֶקּ ִֶ ה ָבּטּ ַה
like my sister does,” “…like the people in that other family do,”
because a comment like that is a very damaging and hurtful insult י ֵד ְכּ ה ָבּט ת ַח ַתּ ה ָע ָר רי ֶז ֲח ַמ וּלּ ֶפ ֲא םי ֶמ ָע ְפ ֶל ְו .)"י ֶל ְכּ וי ָל ָע
to her. Instead he must speak in a way that is suggestive and not 11 9.ל ֵבּ ֶקּ ִֶ ה ָבּטּ ַבּ רי ֶכּ ַמ ּני ֵא ִֶ פי ֶגּ ְפ ַה ְל
confrontational; “Let’s try to do it this way because it is likely to be
easier than the way you’re doing it now.” ל ָכּ ל ַע תּדּה ְל י ַל ָע ,תי ֶֶא ֵר ,אי ֶה בּטּ ַה ת ַר ָכּ ַה ת ַדּ ֶמ ןֵכָא
ת ֵת ָל ,תי ֶנ ֵֶ ְו . ָהי ִט ָר ְׁ ל ָכּ ל ַע הּ ָתּא בי ֶֶ ֲח ַה ְלוּ ה ָבּטּ ַה ף ֵקּ ִה
)ד ָח ִא ֶ ִרֹשּׁ ֶמ ם ֵה ה ָדּתּ ת ֵת ָל ְו ת ִמ ֱא ָה ל ַע תּדּה ְל( ה ָדּתּ
Chapter 4 - Lesson 3 י ֵר ְֶ ֶר ְבּ רוֶּ ָר י ֶמ ְצ ַע ת ִא ֶי ֶגּ ְר ַה ְלוּ ,םיֶיוּטּ ֶבּ י ֵני ֶמ ל ָכּ י ֵדְי ל ַע
םי ֶלּד ְגּ םי ֶֶ ָנ ֲא ל ִצ ֵא וּני ֶא ָר .בי ֶטי ֵמּ ַה ל ִא ה ָב ֲה ַא ְו ה ָד ֲה ַא
Words that are not soft-spoken are oppressive.
,ם ִהיֵיּ ַח י ֵמְי ל ָכּ ם ִה ֵמ ה ָח ְכּ ְֶ ֶנ אלֹ וּל ְבּ ֶקּ ִֶ תי ֶמ ֲע ַׁ ד ַח ה ָבּטּ ִֶ
The Hagahot Maimoniyot elaborates on the source of the expression
“soft-spoken words” as being in Gemara Babba Metziah (59a) ּל י ֶתי ֶשׂ ָע ִֶ ר ֵכּז ּני ֵא ִֶ - ּל ע ַר ֵה ִֶ י ֶמ ל ַע ל" ַצ ַז ר ֵפּס ם ַת ֲח ַה ר ַמ ָא .11
that “A man must always be careful about the oppression of his
.ה ָע ָר ה ֵבּ ְר ַה ךְ ָכּ ל ָכּ ּל ם ֵלּ ֶַ ְמ הּ ָרוּב ֲע ִֶ ,ה ָלּד ְגּ ה ָבּט
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