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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 4 א רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶל ְֶ ר ִר ִׁ
Chapter 4 - Lesson 4 ר ַר ,םּל ֶָ ְו ס ַח ה ָנּ ֻג ְמ ּז פי ֵא , ָהי ִר ֲח ַא ְלוּ ָהי ִנ ָפ ְלוּ רוּבּ ֶח ַה ת ַע ְֶ ֶבּ

ד ָבּ ְעֶֹ ְמּ ִֶ ְכּ פ ֵכּ ִֶ ל ָכ ְו ,ה ִז ָל ד ָבּ ְע ֶֻ ְמ הָי ָה אלֹ וּלּ ֶא וּלּ ֶפ ֲא ַו ,ה ָו ְצ ֶמ
A pleasant attitude.
ת ִא ר ֵא ָב ְל ל ֵדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶנ .ב ָתּ ְכ ֶמּ ַה פֶּ ְל פא ָכּ ד ַע ."פי ֶדּ י ֶׁ ל ַע ה ִז ָל
.'ה ת ַר ְז ִע ְבּ וי ָר ָב ְדּ
“Shammai says…greet every person with a pleasant attitude”
(Pirkei Avot 1:15) (Rabbeinu Yonah explains this to mean “Show
them a happy face so that person will be uplifted and will feel good 
because of your pleasantness”). My master and teacher, the Gaon
Tzadik Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler ZT”L said – We would have
thought that this teaching should have come from the mouth of .א רמאמ
Hillel – who in fact said “Be a person who loves peace and pursues
peace” – and not from the mouth of Shammai whose approach
to life’s framework is ‘strict law.’ Rather, from the fact that it is ה ָב ֲה ַא ָה תוֹדוֹס ְי
Shammai’s teaching we learn that ‘strict law’ specifically demands
that a person presents to the world (meaning, to always show on his
face and in his attitude) ‘a pleasant demeanor,’ as if “This is what תי ִע ְב ִט ה ָב ֲה ַא ד ַצּ ִמ וֹתּ ְשׁ ִא בֹה ֱא ֶל ל"ַז ֲח ת ַנ ָוּ ַכּ ןי ֵא ֶשׁ רוּר ָבוּ"
I owe to everyone since they are entitled to it.” But if my attitude
was strict and sad, then in all likelihood I would be a pain to other אוּה ךְוּר ָבּ ֶּד ָקּ ַה .'וּכ ְו "םי ִר ֵב ֲח ת ַב ֲה ַא גוּסּ ִמ א ָלּ ֶא ,םי ִשׁ ָנּ ַל
people.
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תּלּ ֻע ְׁ ַה ל ָכ ְל תּרוֶּ ְתוּ םי ֶפ ָח ְדּ ם ָד ָא ָבּ ַעי ֶבּ ְט ֶה וי ָמ ֲח ַר בֹר ְבּ
It is written in Sefer Orchot Chayim authored by the Rosh (section
#57) “You should not display an angry face towards passers-by, and ּל ֵֶי ְו ,ב ֵע ָר אוּה - לֹכ ֱא ִל ף ַח ַדּ ּל ֵֶי .ם ִה ָבּ םיֶיוּל ְתּ ויָיּ ַח ִֶ
instead greet everyone with a face that is shining and upbeat.” I ֵֶי .םי ֶמ ָע ְט י ֵני ֶמ ל ָכ ְבּ םי ֶע ָט אוּה ל ִכֹא ָה י ֶכּ ,ל ִכֹא ְל ה ָרוֶּ ְתּ ם ַגּ
must greet pleasantly not only those people who come to my house, ה ָב ֵר ֲע ַו ה ָרוּת ְמ ם ַגּ אי ֶה ּת ָנ ְֶוּ ,ףֵי ָע אוּה - פֶֹי ֶל ף ַח ַדּ ם ָד ָא ְל
but even while I am walking in the street I have to pay attention that
the expression on my face is pleasant in order not to cause pain to ד ַצּ ֶמ ר ַר ה ִלּ ֵא ָה תּלּ ֻע ְׁ ַה ת ִא תֹוֹש ֲע ַל ךְי ֶר ָצ הָי ָה וּלּ ֶא .ּל
passers-by who see me as they come and go. ם ָד ָא י ֵנ ְבּ בֹר וּי ָה ,םיֶיּ ַח ַה םוּיּ ֶר ְל תּצוּח ְנ פ ֵה ִֶ ,ל ִכ ֵשּׂ ַה ת ַנ ָב ֲה

That being so, then by a simple logical deduction it is absolutely .ה ָנ ֵֶ ר ִסֹח ְו ה ָנוּז ְתּ ת ַתּ ֶמ םי ֶת ֵמ
forbidden to display a sad and distraught face inside the home, as the
Rambam says, rather we must constantly work to display a pleasant
תּרוֶּ ְתוּ םי ֶפ ָח ְדּ פ ֵדּ ַע ְל ם ָד ָא ָה פ ֶמ ת ִֶ ִרּדּ ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה תַדוֹבֲע

פֶֹי ֶל ְו לֹכ ֱא ִל - 'ה ת ַדּב ֲע ל ִֶ ל ָגּ ְע ַמּ ַל ם ָתּא סי ֶנ ְכ ַה ְלוּ ,ה ִלּ ֵא
16. It is said in Sefer Yere’im (in the section “The Pillar of Fear of
Heaven,” paragraph #51) “Just as there is oppression in the choice of םיֶיּ ַח ח ַרֹא ְבּ ר ַמ ֱא ִנּ ִֶ י ֶפ ְכּ ,'ה ת ַדּב ֲע ַל אי ֶר ָבּ ּתּי ֱה פ ַע ַמ ְל
words, there is oppression by an Evil Eye when displaying a sour face,
an evil face that is dictated by the heart.” ךְ ָכ ְו ."םֶי ַמ ֶָ ם ֵֶ ְל וּי ְהֶי וי ָתּנ ָוּ ַכּ ל ָכּ ִֶ" :ּמ ְֶוּ ,א"לר פ ָמי ֶס

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