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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 5 - Lesson 6 ה רמאמ - י ֶעי ֶב ְר ר ִר ִׁ

ל ַע ַבּ ַה ל ֵדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶמ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ם ֶע ד ִס ִח תַיֹּ ֶש ֲע פ ַע ַמ ְל ם ֶא .]ג"כ ר ִר ִׁ ,'ז
Chapter 5 - Lesson 6
ב ָצּ ַמ ּל פי ֵא ִֶ י ֶׁ ל ַע ף ַא ,תּפָי םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס ְבּ תֶי ַבּ ַבּ ַעי ֶפּה ְל
תַיֹּ ֶש ֲע ל ִֶ ה ָמּ ַג ְמ ֶבּ תי ֶנּצי ֶח ַה תוּל ְדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶה ַה ַעי ֶׁ ְֶ ַתּ ,ךְ ָכ ְל ַחוּר
The position of head-of-family comes with
responsibility. םֶי ַמּ ַכּ י ֵר ֲה ַו .ּחוּר ב ַצּ ַמ ת ִא ר ֵזּ ַח ְתוּ ה ִל ֲע ַת ְו ,ּתוּיּ ֶמי ֶנ ְׁ ל ַע ד ִס ִח
ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ל ִצ ֵא ר ֵרּעְי ּלּ ִֶ תּפָיּ ַה םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס - םי ֶנ ָׁ ל ִא םי ֶנ ָׁ
The position as head-of-household demands appropriate conduct. .וי ָל ָע פי ֶל ְמּגּ ת ַע ָׁ ְֶ ַה הִי ְה ֶתּ ה ִזּ ֶמוּ ,תּרי ֶא ְמ םי ֶנ ָׁ
The husband must not make a mockery of himself in front of his
wife because of his weak personality. For example, he is lazy, or ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ל ִֶ ַחוּר ָה י ֵב ְצּ ַמ ְל גֹא ְד ֶל ל ַע ַבּ ַה ל ַע ל ָטּ ֻמ :ר ָב ָדּ ףוֹס
careless, or negligent, or he consistently does not get up in time
to pray with a minyan, or he is routinely late arriving in Kollel, or תּמי ֶשׂ ְמּ ַה ת ַח ַא ּז .)'ו פ ָמי ֶס 'ב ר ִר ִפ ְבּ פֵיּ ַע ְו ,לי ֵע ְל ר ָאֹב ְמ ַכּ(
he wastes his time doing nothing useful when he is at home. At ,םיֶיּ ֶֶ ְפ ַנּ ַה ם ַגּ ,םי ֶכ ָר ְצּ ַה ל ָכ ְל גֹא ְד ֶל - "ר ֵא ְֶ" בוּיּ ֶח ְבּ ה ָלוּל ְכּ ַה
that point the wife’s job becomes doubly hard; she is the anchor
of the house and she is simultaneously the supporter of the house. אלֹּ ִֶ י ֵד ְכּ ,"ב ֵצ ָע הִי ְהֶי אלֹ ְו" ם" ַבּ ְמ ַר ָה ר ֵמּא פ ֵכ ָל .ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ל ִֶ
She has to be conscientious and wake up early to rush to do her :ּב ָתּ ְכ ֶמ ת ִא א"ּז ֲח ַה פ ָר ָמ םֵיּ ַס ְמ ךְ ָכ ְו .הּ ָחוּר ב ַצּ ַמ ְבּ ַעֹגּ ְפ ֶל
work, and she sees her husband is lazy in his learning and in his
service to Hashem Yitbarach. She is a partner sharing in his Torah, ר ָקּ ֶע אוּה תּרי ֶא ְמ םי ֶנ ָׁ ר ִב ֵס ."ב ֵל ַח ֵמֹּ ַש ְל רוּזּ ֶח י ֵר ְב ֶד ְבוּ"
as the Gemara says (in Sotah 21a) “Don’t they divide evenly with ."ב ֵל ַח ֵמֹּ ַש ְל" ם ֵרּגּ ַה
us?!” She evenly divides with her husband the merit of his Torah
learning when she helps him to learn, and now she feels herself 
being cheated since she is holding up her half of their partnership
but he is not. She feels doubly cheated because she can no longer
see her husband as the man she thought she married in the image .ה רמאמ
of the Talmid Chacham she hoped that he would become. All this
demands that the husband must strengthen himself enthusiastically וֹר ֵב ֲח ם ִע לֹע ְבּ אֹ ֵשוֹנ
to mature and overcome his pettiness. His position is that he is not
only responsible for himself but he is also responsible for his wife’s
half of his Torah. Later, with the help of Hashem Yitbarach when ד ָח ִא ְבּ .]ז"כ ,'ג ה ָכי ֵא[ "וי ָרוּע ֻנ ֶבּ לֹע א ָשֶּׂי י ֶכּ ר ִב ִגּ ַל בוֹט"
his family grows and he is involved with his children’s education ,'ג ה ָבּ ַר ה ָכי ֵא[ ה ָשּׁ ֶא לֹע ה ִז :ל" ַז ַר וּר ְמ ָא רוּס ָׁ ַל ם ִהי ֵֶוּר ֵׁ ֶמ
the picture portrayed by the father will certainly play a significant
role in his influence on their children. From the very outset the ם ָד ָא ָה רוּב ֲע בּט ה ִזּ ִֶ - "ר ִב ִגּ ַל בּט" פא ָכּ ֶמ וּנ ָא םי ֶד ְמּל .]'ט
home must be built in a way that it will be the foundation on which וי ָרוּע ְנּ ֶמ ל ֵגּ ְר ַת ְמוּ ד ֵמּ ַל ְת ֶמּ ִֶ ?ה ִז ָבּ בּטּ ַה וּה ַמ .ה ִז לֹע ְבּ תאֹ ֵש ָל
to educate the next generation in Torah and service to Hashem
Yitbarach. The standard of conversation in the house must be ּמ ְצ ַע אוּה ה ִז ָבּ .ּר ֵב ֲח ם ֶע לֹע ת ַאי ֶשׂ ְנ ל ִֶ ה ָבוֶּ ֲח ַה ה ָדּ ֶמּ ַבּ
appropriate to a home of a Ben Torah, far away from the vulgarity .בּט הֹ ִש ֲע ַנ

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