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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 5 ו רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶמ ֲח ר ִר ִׁ
facial expression even though he really doesn’t feel that way, that
effort to control his external appearance for the sake of doing
kindness will have an effect on his internal feelings and will elevate
and strengthen his mood and spirit. We know that – (Mishle 27:19) .ו רמאמ
“Like a reflection in the water is one face to the other” - a pleasant
facial expression will cause his wife to have a pleasant demeanor ב ֵיּ ַח ְמ - וֹתי ֵב ְבּ ר ֵרֹוֹש
which will have a corresponding effect on him.
In conclusion, it is the responsibility of the husband to worry and
be concerned about the mood of his wife (as we explained above in ל ַא .ת ִמ ִלּה תוּג ֲה ַנ ְת ֶה ת ִבִיּ ַח ְמ ּתי ֵב ְבּ ר ֵרֹוֹש ל ִֶ הָדְמֶעָה
the second chapter, sixth lesson). This is one of the responsibilities
of a husband which is included in what the Torah calls “She’er,” תוּל ְצ ַע ל ִֶ פּג ְכּ ,י ֶפֹא תֶּ ְל ֻח י ֵדְי ל ַע ּתּ ְֶ ֶא י ֵנ ְפ ֶבּ ה ִזּ ַבּ ְתֶי
for a husband to take care of all of his wife’s needs, including her ר ֵח ַא ְמ אוּה ּא ,רוּבּ ֶצ ְבּ ה ָלּ ֶפ ְת ֶל פ ַמ ְזּ ַבּ ם ָר ּני ֵא ִֶ ,תוּנ ָל ְֶ ַר ְו
emotional needs. This is why the Rambam says “He should not be
sad,” in order not to adversely affect his wife’s emotional state. This ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה .ּתי ֵב ְבּ א ָצ ְמ ֶנ ר ִֶ ֲא ַכּ פ ַמ ְזּ ַה ת ִא ל ֵטּ ַב ְמ ּא ,ל ֵלּכּ ַל
is how the Chazon Ish ends his letter “With words of encouragement ל ִֶ ם ַג ְו תֶי ַבּ ת ִר ִר ֲע ל ִֶ לוּפ ָכּ די ֶר ְפ ַתּ ָהי ִל ָע ת ִל ִבּ ַר ְמ
that gladden her heart.” A pleasant facial expression is the main
spark that will gladden the heart. ,הּ ָת ָדּב ֲע ַל םוּר םי ֶכּ ְֶ ַה ְלוּ ז ֵר ָדּ ְז ֶה ְל ה ָכי ֶר ְצ אי ֶה ,ת ִס ִנ ְר ַפ ְמ
.ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה ת ַדּב ֲע ַבוּ וי ָדוּמּ ֶל ְבּ ל ֵשּׂ ַר ְת ֶמ הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ִֶ ה ָאּר אי ֶה ְו
אלֹ י ֶמ" ]א"ע א"כ ה ָטּס ְבּ[ א ָר ָמ ְגּ ַה י ֵר ְב ֶד ְכּ ,ּת ָרּת ְל ת ִפ ִתּ ֶֻ ְכּ
ה ָרּתּ ַה תוּכ ְז ֶבּ הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ם ֶע ת ִר ִלּ ַח ְת ֶמ אי ֶה ִֶ ,"וּהיְי ַד ֲה ַבּ פא ָג ְל ַׁ
הּ ָמ ְצ ַע ת ִא ה ֶָי ֶגּ ְר ַמ אי ֶה ה ָתּ ַע ְו ,דֹמ ְל ֶל ּל ת ִר ִזּע אי ֶה ִֶ ְכּ
Chapter 4 - Lesson 5
די ֶמ ְל ַתּ ַה תוּמ ְדּ ת ִא הּ ָל ְע ַב ְבּ תּא ְר ֶל ה ָלּכְי הּ ָני ֵא ם ַגּ .ה ָמּ ֻר ְמ
םי ֶצּ ַמ ֲא ַמ ְל ל ַע ַבּ ַה ת ִא בֵיּ ַח ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ תאֹז ל ָכּ .ּל ה ָת ְׁ ֶצּ ִֶ ם ָכ ָח
Sharing with your friend his life’s burdens.
יא ַר ְח ַא אוּה ת ֵע ָכּ .תוּיּ ֶנוּנ ְט ַר ל ַע תוּר ְבּ ַגּ ְת ֶה ְו תוּזי ֶר ְזוּ רוּזּ ֶח ל ִֶ
(Eicha 3:27) “It is good for a man to carry a yoke while he is in ר ִֶ ֲא ַכ ְו .ּת ָרּת ְבּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ל ִֶ ר ִל ֵח ַל ם ַגּ א ָלּ ִא ,ּמ ְצ ַע ְל ר ַר אלֹ
his youth.” In one of their explanations of this pasuk Chazal said תוּמ ְדּ ִֶ יא ַדּ ַו ,םי ֶד ָלְי ַה ת ִא ךְ ֵנּ ַח ְל רֹס ֲעַי ְו ,ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה רֹז ֲעַי
“This is the yoke of a woman” (Eicha Rabba 3:9). From here we
learn “It is good for a man” – that it is good for a man to carry this ת ִא תּנ ְב ֶל ֵֶי .םי ֶד ָלְי ַה ל ַע ה ָע ָׁ ְֶ ַה ְבּ לּד ָגּ ר ִל ֵח הּ ָל ֵֶי ב ָא ָה
yoke. What is good about it?! He becomes trained and accustomed רּדּ ַה ךְוּנ ֶח ְל סי ֶס ָבּ הִי ְהֶיּ ִֶ ךְ ָכּ םי ֶנֶּא ֶר ָה םי ֶד ָע ְצּ ַה ֵמ תֶי ַבּ ַה
from the time he is young in the important character trait of helping תּי ְה ֶל ה ָכי ֶר ְצ רוּבּ ֶדּ ַה ת ַמ ָר .ךְ ַר ָבּ ְתֶי 'ה ת ַדּב ֲע ַל ְו ה ָרּת ְל א ָבּ ַה
his friend carry his life’s burdens, because in so doing he becomes
“good.” םי ֶלּז םי ֶרוּבּ ֶדּ ֶמ ר ֵח ַר ְת ֶה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ְו ,ה ָרּתּ פ ִבּ ל ִֶ תֶי ַבּ ת ִמ ִלּה
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