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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 5 ה רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶמ ֲח ר ִר ִׁ
We will briefly explain this character trait since it is very important ל ָכ ְבוּ ,הּ ָני ֵע ֵמ ה ָע ְמ ֶדּ ה ָא ְצָי א ָלּ ִא ,ה ָת ְכ ָבּ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ִֶ ר ַמ ֱא ִנ אלֹ
in the way a husband relates to his wife and creates the proper
foundation for building a home. We explained earlier in this ,הּ ָר ֲע ַצ ְל פ ֵוּ ֶכּ אלֹּ ִֶ י ֶׁ ל ַע ף ַא ,דָיּ ֶמ ה ָא ָבּ ה ָא ָנּא ָה תּא ְצּתּ תאֹז
essay (in the second chapter, second lesson) the words of Chazal ֶ ִנֹע .לי ֶג ָר ָה ֵמ ר ֵתּי ךְ ֶַ ְמ ֶנ רוּע ֶשּׁ ַה ִֶ ת ַמ ֲח ֵמ תא ֵצ ָל ר ֵח ֶא א ָלּ ִא
“The poor living among you” as – “Look at yourself as though ץי ֶב ִל ֵאוּמ ְֶ םיֶיּ ַח 'ר ג"הרה ל ַא ֶָ !ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ר ַע ַצ ל ַע י ֶדָיּ ֶמוּ א ָרּנ
you yourself were poor.” The perfection of this lofty trait to put
oneself in someone else’s position is reached by the character trait הָי ָה ֶ ִנֹע ָה א ֵלוּל ?ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ה ָע ְֶּנ ּת ָתי ֶמ י ֵדְי ל ַע ם ֶא ַה - ל" ַצ ַז
of “sharing his friend’s burdens together with him.” The source !ם ָלּע ְל הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ת ִא ה ָד ְבּ ֶא ךְ ָכ ְו ,ר ָח ֻא ְמ ר ֵתּי תֶי ַבּ ַה א ָבּ הּ ָל ְע ַבּ
for this teaching is the Torah’s description of (Shemot 2:11) – “It
was in those days of Egyptian slavery that Moshe rose up and ה ָא ָנּא ֶ ִנֹע ִֶ - י ֶנ ָחוּר רֹח ה ִזּ ִֶ וּנ ָתּא םי ֶד ְמּ ַל ְמ ל" ַז ֲח :ר ֵא ֵבוּ
went out to his brothers and saw their oppressive slavery.” Rashi ל ַע ר ֵמֶּ ּני ֵא ִֶ ם ָד ָא ִֶ ּמ ְכּ .דָיּ ֶמ א ָבּ ,ה ִלּ ֵא תּבּ ֶס ְנ ֶבּ וּלּ ֶפ ֲא
explains this to mean – “He saw into their oppressive slavery” –
He paid attention to them and gave them his heart to be pained by א ָבוּ ר ָה ְז ֶנ אלֹ ְו ר ָה ָנּ ַה ת ַפֹ ְש ל ַע ד ֵמּע ם ֶא - ר ֵז ָנֶּי ע ַב ִטּ ַה י ֵקּ ֻח
their suffering. Moshe rose to greatness in Pharaoh’s palace and 18 15.ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ַא ָנּא ל ַע ה ִזּ ַה י ֶנ ָחוּר ָה רֹח ַה ּבּ ַע ֵגּׁ ךְ ָכּ ,ל ֵפּנ ְו ַחוּר
was promoted to the position of a minister (please study the Rashi ה ִז - ּר ֵב ֲח ַל ם ָד ָא פי ֵבּ ה ָעי ֶג ְׁ" :ח"רגה י ֶפ ְבּ רוּג ֶָ הָי ָה די ֶמ ָתּ
there). Nevertheless he left the palace in order to literally join with
the Jewish people in their pain (please see the Midrash Shemot "!ף ֵרּשּׂ ִֶ ֶ ֵא
Rabbah). The pasuk does not say “He saw their oppression,” rather,
it says “He saw into their oppression” meaning, he shared it with
them. Rashi learns from this that Moshe put his heart and soul into
participating with Israel in their intense oppressions. First – “He
put his eyes.” In a routine sense a man is preoccupied with himself,
and in everything he sees he chooses only those things that pertain
to him. The first step in acquiring the character trait of “sharing
with your friend his life’s burdens” is to disassociate yourself from
yourself, from the “Me” or “I” that a person nowadays is totally
immersed in, and to look at this friend to see him as though he was
looking at himself. The second step is to put his heart into feeling ּתּ ְֶ ֶא .)ה ָתְי ַבּ ַה ת ִכ ִל ָל ר ֵח ֶא ְו( רוּע ֶשּׁ ַה ךְ ֶַ ְמ ֶנ ם ַע ַׁ .רוּׁ ֶכּ םּי ב ִר ִע ל ָכּ
his friend’s suffering as if it were his own suffering. אוּה ו ֶָ ְכ ַע ,א ָבּ אוּה ו ֶָ ְכ ַע )ה ָב ְֶ ָח םי ֶד ָע ְצ ה ָע ְמ ָשּׁ ִֶ ְכוּ( ּל ה ָׁ ַצ ְמ ה ָתְי ָה
וּנְי ַה( ג ַגּ ַה ל ַע ב ֶַָי אוּה .הּ ָני ֵע ֵמ ה ָע ְמ ֶדּ ה ָד ְרָי ,הּ ָתּ ְע ַדּ ה ֶָ ְל ָח .א ָבּ אלֹ ְו ,א ָבּ
.ת ֵמוּ וי ָתּ ְח ַתּ ֶמ ג ַגּ ַה ר ַבּ ְֶ ֶנ )ה ָנּי ְל ִע ה ָמּר ְבּ
This obligation is certainly said relative to his own wife who is
like his own body, that his relationship to her must be the same ת ַלּ ֻע ְׁ ַעֹנ ְמ ֶל ּא לי ֶע ְפ ַה ְל םי ֶלוּל ֲע ִֶ םי ֶנֶּ םיֶיּ ֶנ ָחוּר םי ֶקּ ֻח ֵֶי יא ַדּ ַו ְבּ .18
as the relationship between his right hand and his left hand, as the ר ִתִי ְבּ ּל ֳע ָׁ םי ֶמ ָתּ ִֶ רוּצּ ַה לי ֶע ְפ ֶה י ֵמוּח ְר ב ַר ְדּ הֹ ִש ֲע ַמ ְבּ .ע ַב ִטּ ַה י ֵעוּר ֵא
Gaon Chazon Ish said. However, this doesn’t happen by itself just םּר ָמ פא ָכּ פי ֵא ְו ,ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ל ִֶ "ה ָבּר ְר הּ ָת ָא ָנּא" ל ִֶ י ֶנ ָחוּר ָה רֹח ַה ת ִא ת ֵאֹ ְש
because they are married to each other, rather, they must work at .ךְי ֶר ֲא ַה ְל
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