Page 137 - 280818
P. 137
5
Rabbi Chayim Friedlander # רדנלדירפ םייח ברה 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 5 - A | 18-08-28 | 11:06:25 | SR:-- | Black 280818_efi-ab - 280818_efi-ab | 5 - A | 18-08-28 | 11:06:25 | SR:-- | Cyan 280818_efi-ab - 280818_e
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 5 ד רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶמ ֲח ר ִר ִׁ
sincere interest will lighten her burden, and a simple suggestion י ֵד ְכּ תּא ָו ְל ַה שׂ ֵׁ ַחְי ל ַא ְו ,רי ֶבּ ְס ֶה ר ִד ִג ְבּ לֹכּ ַה ,פ ָבוּמּ ַכּ( .ם ָתּא
to help her will encourage her and give her satisfaction, and many
times she will decline his actual help simply because of his interest ר ֵרּשׂ ְכּ ל ַע ַבּ ַה ת ַדּ ְמ ִע .)ּל ֵֶיּ ִשּׁ ה ַמּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָל ת ֵת ָל
and willingness to help her. י ֶכּ ,ּתי ֵב ְבּ "בוּל ָע" תּי ְה ֶל תוּר ֶָ ְפ ִא ָה ת ִא ּל ת ִנ ִתּנ ּתי ֵב ְבּ
During the period of time when the Steipler Gaon Maran Rabbi .ח ָׁ ֻר ְמ תּי ְה ֶל ֶ ֵֶּח ר ִֶ ֲא ,ֶ ָלּ ַח ַה ֵמ ר ֵתּי ר ֵתּ ַו ְל לּכָי ר ָז ָח ִה
Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky ZT”L was in mourning for his wife a ר ֵמּא ִֶ א" ָטי ֶל ְֶ ךְ ֶַ מ"א ַר ְג ַה פ ָר ָמ ה ָבי ְֶֶי ַה ֶאֹר י ֶל ר ַמ ָא
story was told that happened when his wife A”H was exhausted
and she went to sleep without washing the dishes. He came home פ ָמי ֶס ה ִז פי ֵא ,רוּמ ָא ָכּ .ר ֵתּי ְו ר ֵתּי ר ֵתּ ַו ְל ל ֵדּ ַתּ ְֶ ֶה ְל םי ֶכ ֵר ְב ַא ְל
late that night and went into the kitchen and washed the dishes .ךְ ִפ ִה ְל א ָלּ ִא ה ֶָ ְל ֻח
because he knew that the next morning his wife would be happy
when she found the kitchen was clean and neat. A story was also
told about a young man who visited the rabbi to ask him a question :]א"ע ט"נ א ָעי ֶצ ְמ א ָב ָבּ[ ל" ַז ם ָר ְמּא ת ִא ל" ַר ֲה ַמ רי ֶבּ ְס ַמ ךְָכְו
about the order in which he should be learning. This student was
exceptionally diligent in his learning. Maran ZT”L answered him הּ ָת ָע ְמ ֶדּ ִֶ ךְּתּ ֶמּ ִֶ ,ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ת ַא ָנּא ְבּ רי ֶה ָז ם ָד ָא א ֵהְי ם ָלּע ְל"
by asking him if he helps his wife on those occasions when she תוֶּי ֶג ְר ל ַע פא ָכּ ר ָבּ ֻד ְמ ה ָרּא ְכ ֶל ."ה ָבּר ְר הּ ָת ָא ָנּא הָיוּצ ְמ
needs help.
ת ַב ֲה ַא 'ב ר ִל ֵח ם ָלּע תּבי ֶת ְנ[ ֶ ֵר ֵׁ ל" ַר ֲה ַמ ל ָב ֲא .תוּל ָל ְכ ֶבּ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה
To successfully carry some of her burden the husband must feel ּתּ ְֶ ֶא י ֶכּ ,א ָר ְו ַדּ ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְבּ ר ָה ְז ֶנ הִי ְהֶיּ ִֶ ֶוּר ֵׁ" :]ז"נ דוּמּ ַע ,ע ָר ָה
the emotional needs of his wife, as we spoke about this earlier in
this essay. We cited above (in the second chapter, third lesson) the י ֶכּ .ר ֵתּי ְבּ הָיוּצ ְמ ה ָת ָע ְמ ֶדּ - ָהי ִל ָע ל ֵֶּמ ל ַע ַבּ ַה ִֶ י ֵנ ְׁ ֶמ -
Midrash Beresheet Rabbah that women have an innate desire to ךְ ָכּ ל ָכּ )ת ִל ִבּ ַר ְמ הּ ָני ֵא וּנְי ַה( ל ֵבּ ַר ְמ ּני ֵא ר ֵח ַא ם ָד ָא ת ַא ָנּא
go out, and this desire manifests itself in a strong emotional need
to get out of the house and visit her relatives and friends, since by ם ֶע ְו ,הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ת ִל ִֶ ְמ ִמ ת ַח ַתּ אי ֶה ִֶ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה ל ָב ֲא ...תוּל ֲע ַׁ ְת ֶה
nature she is outward-looking, as we explained above. Therefore, אי ֶה - הּ ָל ְע ַבּ פ ֶמ ה ָא ָנּא הּ ָל ֵֶי ם ֶא ,הּ ָמ ְצ ַע ְבּ ה ָבוֶּ ֲח אי ֶה ה ִז
her husband must give her that opportunity from time to time to go
out with her friends even if on occasion it is hard for him since he is תּד ָגּ ֻנ ְמ תּפי ֶא ְֶ י ֵתּ ְֶ ."הָיוּצ ְמ ה ָת ָע ְמ ֶדּ פ ֵכ ָל ְו ,ר ֵתּי ת ִל ִע ַׁ ְת ֶנ
now compelled to remain at home to watch the children and because ,תֶי ַבּ לֶֹ ְמֶי הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ִֶ ה ִצּר אי ֶה ד ָח ִא ד ַצּ ֶמ .ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָבּ תּל ֲעּׁ
of that he must adapt his schedule of learning to accommodate his פ ֵכ ָל .הּ ָמ ְצ ַע תוּבי ֶֶ ֲח ל ַע ר ֵתּ ַו ְל ה ִצּר הּ ָני ֵא י ֶנ ֵֶ ד ַצּ ֶמ ם ָלוּא
wife and the needs of his family.
ר ָב ָדּ .ר ֵח ַא וּה ִשּׁ ֶמּ ֶמ ר ִֶ ֲא ֵמ הּ ָל ְע ַבּ ֶמ ר ֵתּי ע ַג ָׁ ֶה ְל ה ָלוּל ֲע אי ֶה
Occasionally a wife will ask her husband to go with her to visit
relatives or friends. He must take her requests into consideration הּ ָבּ ֶל ְו ,ךְ ָכּ ל ָכּ ּל ה ָבּר ְר אי ֶה י ֵר ֲה י ֶכּ ,ּל םי ֶׁ ַצ ְמ וּנְי ַה אלֹּ ִֶ
and find a suitable compromise between two extremes, her needs .ּבּ ס ַגּ
and his needs, between extensive visits and not going at all to visit
relatives and friends. The husband must acknowledge the emotional
attachment of his wife to the family of her parents (parents, sisters,
137 152
