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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander 5 רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 5 - Lesson 1 ג רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶמ ֲח ר ִר ִׁ
תּכ ְל ֶה דוּמּ ֶל ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ם ֶע ַעֹבּ ְר ֶל בוֶּ ָח .ה ִז דוּמּ ֶל תא ַר ְר ֶל
דָיּ ֶמ ה ִז דוּמּ ֶל לי ֶח ְת ַה ְלוּ ,םי ֶר ָצּ ֻר ְמ ַה םי ֶר ָפ ְסּ ַה ד ַח ַא ְבּ ה ָר ֳה ָטּ ַה
Chapter 5 - Lesson 1 ה ָכ ָל ֲה פ ֵה ה ִלּ ֵא תּכ ָל ֲה ז ָא ִֶ תּי ֱה - ה ִתּ ְֶ ֶמּ ַה י ֵמְי ת ַע ְב ֶֶ ְבּ
ל ִֶ ע ַדִיּ ַבּ - י ֶד ָד ֲה פוּמ ֵא ל ַע ס ָסּ ֻב ְמ רוּדּ ְר ֶד ְבּ פ ָמוּיּ ֶר .הֹ ִש ֲע ַמ ְל
“…and he will rule over you.” (Beresheet 3:16) .א ָתּ ְו ַצ ְבּ פ ִהי ֵל ֲע רֹב ֲע ַל יא ַד ְכּ פ ֵכ ָל ,ת ַלוּזּ ַה
(Quoting from the Megilat Esther 1:22) “In order that every man ת ָבּ ֶַ פ ַח ְל ֶֻ ְבּ ר ַמּל ל ַכוּיּ ִֶ ּמ ְצ ַע ת ִא פי ֶכ ָה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ם ַגּ לַעַבַּה
will rule and be the final authority in his house.” This is the proper
framework for the family, and that is also what the wife wants. The .תֶי ַבּ ַה י ֵנ ְב ֶל םי ֶמי ֶא ְת ַמּ ַה ה ָרּתּ י ֵר ְב ֶדּ תּנֶּ תּיּ ֻנ ְמּ ַדּ ְז ֶה ְבוּ
wife wants all of the matters of the household to be directed to the ה ָכ ָר ְד ַה י ֵר ְמ ַא ַמ" ס ִר ְט ְנ ֻר ְבּ ב ֵתּכּ א" ָטי ֶל ְֶ ה ִבּ ְלּו ש"רגה
father as the decision-maker of the family. We already addressed
this earlier in this essay, that it is part of the nature and desire of י ֵר ְב ֶדּ ל ַע ל" ַצ ַז ם ִל ִקּ ֶמ לאֵיּ ֶנ ָדּ 'ר צ"הגה ם ֵֶ ְבּ "םי ֶנ ָת ֲח ַל
the wife to be a helpmate standing next to him and doing what he ם ִדֹר ה ָרּתּ ַל םי ֶתּ ֶע ע ַב ְר" :]ד"מ פ ָמי ֶס[ ֶ"אֹר ָל םיֶיּ ַח תּח ְר ָא
wants. The husband must give clear answers even when his wife
turns to him in practical matters – how to organize the household, י ֵֶ ְנ ַא ְבּ ָתּ ְר ַה ְז ֶה ְו .ךָ ְנ ָח ְל ֶֻ ל ַע ם ָבּ ָתּ ְר ַבּ ֶד ְו ,ה ָבי ֶכ ְֶוּ ה ָלי ֶכ ֲא
what to cook (even though those things might not be important ה ָר ָה ְז ַא םי ֶכי ֶר ְצּ ַה םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ַה ל ָכ ְבּ ה ָרּתּ ַה י ֶׁ ל ַע ם ָכי ֶר ְד ַה ְל ךָ ְתי ֵבּ
to him), whether to take the children to the health clinic, and to
which doctor, or some other similar question. The husband should ָתּ ְע ַב ָר - ם ָד ָא ָה ל ִֶ ּני ֶדּ ת ַלּ ֶח ְתּ י ֶכּ .ל ֵלּ ַח ְת ֶה ְלּ ֶמ ם ִהי ֶׁ רֹמ ְֶ ֶל
not think he is doing a favor for his wife when he gives her a free לי ֶח ְת ַמ אוּה י ֶכּ .רוּא ֵבּ םי ֶכי ֶר ְצ ֶ"אֹר ָה י ֵר ְב ֶדּ ."ה ָרּתּ ַל םי ֶתּ ֶע
hand to make her own decisions, and he tells her “Do whatever you אוּה א ָצ ְמ ִא ָבוּ ,ה ִז בוּיּ ֶח ְבּ םֵיּ ַס ְמוּ ,ה ָרּתּ ַל םי ֶתּ ֶע ת ַעי ֶב ְר בוּיּ ֶח ְבּ
think is best.” [Don’t say that to her!] She wants to see him as the
decision maker of the family. י ֵֶ ְנ ַא ךְי ֶר ְד ַה ְלוּ רי ֶה ְז ַה ְל - ר ֵח ַא אֹ ֵשּנ ל ַע ה ָרּא ְכ ֶל ר ֵבּ ַד ְמ
So much even more so in the context of spirituality the husband םי ֶתּ ֶע ַע ֵבּר ה ָתּ ַא ִֶ ְכּ - אוּה רוּא ֵבּ ַה .ה ָרּתּ ַה י ֶׁ ל ַע תֶי ַבּ ַה
must be the one to give direction to the entire family and be the final ד ַמ ְל ֶתּ פ ֵכ ָל ,םי ֶח ְכּנ ךָ ְתי ֵבּ י ֵֶ ְנ ַא ם ַגּ י ֵר ֲה ,פ ָח ְל ֻשּׁ ַה דַי ְל ה ָרּתּ ַל
authority giving his wife clear direction and unambiguous answers.
It is likely that as a young man in yeshiva he did not always have ם ָכי ֶר ְד ַה ְלוּ ם ָרי ֶה ְז ַה ְל - ם ִה ָל ם ַגּ םי ֶכָיּ ַשּׁ ַה ה ִלּ ֵא ָכּ םי ֶר ָב ְדּ
the time or the opportunity to learn a topic to its halachic conclusion .ם ִה ָל םי ֶכָיּ ַשּׁ ַה םי ֶנָי ְנ ֶע ָבּ
and is uncertain how to resolve it, and so he adopted the stringent
opinion. But in his home when a question comes up he may not
leave his wife uncertain and unsure of the practical application of ת ִא תוּנ ְמּ ַדּ ְז ֶה ל ָכ ְבּ ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָל ת ֵת ָל - ב ָא פַי ְנ ֶבּ וּנ ֵלי ֶב ְֶ ֶבּ וּהֶז
the halacha - and tell her that because we are unsure of what to do we
should behave strictly in this matter. [Don’t say that to her!] This ל ַע ַבּ ַה ִֶ םי ֶר ְר ֶמ וּר ָר ר ָב ְכּ .ּל ה ָרוּר ְז אי ֶה ִֶ י ֶנ ָחוּר ָה פּז ָמּ ַה
doesn’t mean that he is required to know the halachic conclusion ּתּ ְע ַדּ פ ַת ָנ אלֹ ְו ,ּדָי ְבּ ר ִפ ֵס תּחוּר ֲא ָה ל ָכ ְבּ רי ֶז ֱח ִה די ֶמ ְת ַמּ ַה
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