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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 5 ה רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶמ ֲח ר ִר ִׁ

it, and he must exert effort to acquire the good trait of sharing his ֵֶיּ ִֶ פ ֵכ ָתֶּיּ ִֶ ,וּני ֵתֶּ ְנ י ֵׁ ַל ְכּ וּר ְמ ִא ִנ יא ַדּ ַו ְבּ ה ִלּ ֵא םירִָבְדּ
wife’s burdens.
ה ָדּב ֲע ָל תא ֵצּי אי ֶה י ֵר ֲה ."הּ ָמ ְצ ַע ְבּ ה ָבוֶּ ֲח" ל ִֶ ֶ ִג ִר פ ִה ָל
First – The husband must see her with the proper appreciation,
meaning, to see her in the right perspective that everything she ה ָד ְמ ִע הּ ָל ֵֶי םי ֶתּ ֶע ְלוּ ,תֶי ַבּ ַה ת ַל ָכּ ְל ַכ ְל לּד ָגּ ר ִל ֵח ת ִמ ִרּת ְו
does and works in the house is for him (as Eliyahu HaNavi said, ם ָד ָא א ֵה ְי ם ָלוֹע ְל :ל" ַז ַר וּרי ֶה ְז ֶה ה ִז פּג ְכ ֶבּ .תֶי ַבּ ַל ץוּח ֶמ ה ָבוֶּ ֲח
quoted in Gemara Yevamot 63a, referenced above). Second – The
husband must look at things from his wife’s viewpoint, how much .וֹתּ ְשׁ ִא ת ַא ָנוֹא ְבּ רי ִהָז
importance she assigns to them, as explained above in the third
lesson of the first chapter). Third – He must give her his heart – to 
work on himself to feel what she feels.

Carrying your friend’s burdens together with him is expressed not
only by feeling for the other person but is also dependent on how
much you “see” him in a correct perspective and feel his feelings,
and exert effort to lighten his life’s load by being proactive and going
to him to help him, and you extend yourself to do Chessed for him
properly on his terms. (It is brought down in the Midrash Shemot
Rabbah that Moshe went to be with his brothers and straightened .ה רמאמ
their load, and helped them carry it, and pretended that in so doing
he was helping Pharaoh. It also says in the Torah that he saved the
Jewish man from being killed by the Egyptian). ה ָבוֹר ְק הּ ָת ָא ָנוֹא

The wife yearns first that her husband will feel together with her the
burdens that rest on her, the management of the needs of the family
and the house and raising their children. Many times the load on - הּ ָת ָא ָנּא תוּנ ֲע ְר ֻׁ אֹב ָל" :"ה ָבּר ְר הּ ָת ָא ָנּא" ֶ ֵר ָפ ְמ י"ִשׁרַ
her doubles as she also goes out of the house in order to work to
earn money for the family. There are times she also expects her ב ַר ְד א ָה י ֶכּ ..." :]ב"ע ב"ס[ תּבּ ֻת ְכ ֶבּ א ָתי ֶא ךְ ָכ ְו ."אּב ָל ר ֵה ַמ ְמ
husband to come and help her when the times are very pressured, י ֵת ָא ה ָו ֲה ְד לי ֶג ָר ה ָו ֲה .א ָזוּח ְמ ְבּ א ָב ָר ְד הי ֵמ ָר ַחי ֶכ ְֶ ה ָו ֲה י ֵמוּח ְר
like the times of Erev Shabbat and Erev Yom Tov.
א ָת ְע ַמ ְֶ הי ֵת ְכ ַשׂ ְמ ד ַח א ָמּי .י ֵרוּׁי ֶכּ ְד א ָמּי י ֵל ֲע ַמ ל ָכ הי ֵתי ֵבּ ְל
It becomes even harder for a woman to carry the burdens of the ,י ֵת ָא א ָת ְֶ ַה - וּה ְתי ֶבּ ְד )ה ָׁ ַצ ְמ ל ִֶ םוּגּ ְר ַתּ :י"שר( אָי ְכ ַס ְמ ה ָו ֲה
family when she sees her husband is uncaring and leaves her to do
it all by herself, and the needs of the house and everything she does .ה ָני ֵע ֵמ א ָת ֲע ְמ ֶד תי ֶח ַא ְו ה ָת ְע ַד ש ַל ָח ,א ָת ָא אלֹ ,י ֵת ָא א ָת ְֶ ַה
are of no concern to him at all as though all of that is exclusively her 1417 ."הּי ֵֶ ְפ ַנ ח ָנ ְו הי ֵתוּת ֶמ א ָר ְגי ֶא תי ֶח ְפ ַא ,א ָר ְגי ֶא ְבּ בי ֶתָי ה ָו ֲה
problem to deal with. When this happens the load on her becomes
even more unbearable and at times she is crushed under that load,
G-d forbid. On the other hand, even just an expression of his ּתי ֵב ְל רֹז ֲח ַל לי ֶג ָר הָי ָה אוּה .א ָזּח ְמ ֶבּ א ָב ָר ל ִצ ֵא ד ַמ ָל י ֵמוּח ְר ב ַר :םוּגּ ְר ַתּ .17

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