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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 4 - Lesson 4 ז רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶמ ֲח ר ִר ִׁ

for someone to have mood swings and at times there are justifiable ר ֵצּ ַב ְמ ה ִלּ ֵא ָה םי ֶר ָב ְדּ ַה ל ָכ ְל ב ֵל ת ַמיֹ ֶש י ֵדְי ל ַע .בּח ְר ָה ל ִֶ
reasons for sadness or irritability, either because of material reasons
or because of spiritual reasons? How is it possible to command 5 .ּתי ֵב ְבּ ר ֵרֹוֹש ל ִֶ ּת ָדּ ְמ ִע ת ִא ל ַע ַבּ ַה
someone to never be sad in his home?” The answer is – In every
situation we have to try our hardest to fulfill our obligations between 
man and his friend, husband and wife, meaning, although it is hard
we still have to treat it as our obligation and try our best because it
affects the other person. .ז רמאמ

The Gaon Rabbi Yitzchak Blazer ZT”L relates an insight in the ה ָרוֹתּ ַבּ לוֹד ָגּ ל ֶצ ֵא ץוּע ֵי
sefer Ohr Yisrael authored by his rebbe, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter
ZT”L, that on the eve of Yom Kippur as they were going to the
Beit Kenesset to begin the Kol Nidrei service he turned to his
acquaintance to ask him a question, but his friend did not answer לּד ָגּ ל ֵאֶּ ְו ץ ֵעַי ְת ֶמ אוּה ם ֶא ּת ָדּ ְמ ִע ֵמ ד ֵבּ ַא ְמ ל ַע ַבּ ַה ןיֵא
him because of his great fear of the pending judgment and fearful תּי ְה ֶל ה ָכי ֶר ְצ ּז ְו ,ה ָרּתּ פ ִבּ ל ִֶ ּכּ ְר ַדּ י ֶהּז ,ךְ ִפ ִה ְל ,ה ָרּתּ ַבּ
of the sanctity of the day. Rabbi Salanter said – “Why do I have to
suffer from his fear of judgment?” Rabbi Salanter was teaching us ר ֵה ָזּ ֶה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ ,א ָסי ֶגּ ךְ ַדי ֶא ֵמ .ה ָרּתּ ת ַע ַדּ לֹא ְֶ ֶל - תֶי ַבּ ַבּ ַחוּר ָה
that in addition to his obligations to Hashem, a person must fulfill תּלוּל ֲע ִֶ תּי ָע ְבּ ַה ל ַע ם ָתּ ֶא ץ ֵעַי ְת ֶה ְל םי ֶר ֵב ֲח ל ִא ת ִכ ִל ָלּ ֶמ
his obligations to his fellow man. Even on the night of Yom Kippur
a person must fulfill the commandment to “Greet everyone with a ה ִז פי ֵא .תּר ֵח ֲא ּא תּיּ ֶאוּפ ְר תּי ָע ְבּ ם ֶא ,תֶי ַבּ ַבּ ר ֵרּע ְת ֶה ְל
pleasant facial expression.” That does not contradict being fearful ףי ֶל ְח ַה ְלוּ תֶי ַבּ ַה י ֵנְי ְנ ֶע ת ִא ה ָצוּח ַה אי ֶצּה ְל תֶי ַבּ ַה תוּעי ֶנ ְצּ ֶמ
of the judgment of Hashem because both of these are integral to our
service to Hashem Yitbarach. ךְ ִרֹצ ֵֶי ם ֶא ,רוּמ ָא ָכּ .ה ָח ָׁ ְֶ ֶמּ ַה ם ֶע אלֹ ם ַגּ ,םי ֶר ֵב ֲח ם ֶע ע ַדי ֵמ
ה ִנ ְפֶי ּא ץ ֵעַיְי אוּה ְו ,ה ָרּתּ ַבּ לּד ָגּ ל ִא תּנ ְפ ֶל ךְי ֶר ָצ ץוּעֵי ְבּ
The sefer Chovot HaLeVavot (in the Gateway to Separation, the
fourth chapter) describes someone who has separated himself from .תּנ ְפ ַה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצּ ִֶ י ֶמ ְל
mundane matters as “His shine is on his face, while his mourning
is hidden in his heart.” He is mournful in his heart because he feels 
that he is still deficient in his service to Hashem, but he displays
joy on his face to make the people around him happy. There is no
contradiction here because they are both part of a person’s service
to Hashem Yitbarach.

This difficult task can be achieved by applying the rule (see Mesilat
Yesharim chapter 7, chapter 23) “Because an outward appearance
has an effect and awakens the inside.” If in order to do kindness
to his wife the husband tries to come into his house with a pleasant

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