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Rabbi Chayim Friedlander # רדנלדירפ םייח ברה
A Peaceful Home ךלהא םולש יכ תעדיו סרטנוק
Chapter 3 - Lesson 4 ב רמאמ - י ֶֶי ֶל ְֶ ר ִר ִׁ
character traits that go into the foundation and perfection of the ךְ ִר ִדּ תּבּטּ ַה ת ִא םי ֶל ְבּ ַר ְמ וּניֶי ָה וּלּ ֶא וּלּ ֶפ ֲא .תֶי ַבּ ַה ל ַע ַבּ
family – these are the very same good character traits that guide us
in our service to Hashem Yitbarach. וּנ ָא ךְ ָכּ .ה ָבּט ת ַר ָכּ ַה ְבּ םי ֶבָיּ ֻח ְמ וּניֶי ָה ,פ ֵוּ ַכּ ְת ֶמ ְבּ אלֹּ ִֶ ,ב ַג ֲא
ה ָו ֲה איָיּ ֶח י ֶבּ ַר" :]א"ע ףּס ג"ס תּמ ָבְי[ אָיּ ֶח י ֶבּ ַר הֹ ֵש ֲע ַמּ ֶמ םי ֶד ְמּל
ר ָב ָדּ :י" ֶֶ ַר( י ֵדי ֶמ חכשמ ה ָו ֲה י ֶכּ .וּה ְתי ֵב ְדּ הּי ֵל א ָר ֲע ַצ ְמ א ָר
הּי ֵל ר ַמ ָא .הלהינ יתיימו הירדוסב הּי ֵל רייצ ,)הּ ָל יוּא ָר ָה
Chapter 3 - Lesson 4 תּל ְדּ ַג ְמּ ִֶ וּנֵיּ ַדּ ,הּי ֵל ר ַמ ָא .ר ַמ ְל הּי ֵל ארעצמ א ָר א ָה ְו ,ב ַר
איָיּ ֶח י ֶבּ ַר ךְ ַל ָה ִֶ ְכּ ."א ְט ֵח ַה פ ֶמ וּנ ָתּא תּלי ֶצּ ַמוּ ,וּני ֵנ ָבּ ת ִא
Affection for one’s wife – is among those good
character traits. ה ָבּטּ ַה ת ַר ָכּ ַה ת ִא א ֵטּ ַב ְל אוּה לּכָי ךְי ֵא ב ֶַ ָח ר ָב ְכּ ,בּח ְר ָבּ
הּ ָל אי ֶב ֵה - ּר ָדוּס ְבּ ף ַט ָע הּ ָרוּב ֲע ַבּ ה ָנ ָקּ ִֶ ץ ִפ ִח ַה ת ִא .ּתּ ְֶ ֶא ְל
“This kind of love (arising from partnering and gratitude) that
Chazal require of us is not at all based on physical desire, but רוּב ֲע ַבּ ה ָבּט הּ ָל רי ֶכּ ַמּ ִֶ רי ֶכּ ְז ֶה אלֹ אוּה .ת ִד ִבּ ֻכ ְמ ה ָרוּצ ְבּ
rather it is one of the good character traits that are mandatory in .ּל ה ָתֹ ְש ָע אלֹ תאֹזּ ִֶ ה ִא ְר ֶנּ ַכּ ,'וּכ ְו ל ִכֹא ָה ת ִא ּל ה ָני ֶכ ְמּ ִֶ
a marriage relationship, etc.” Chazal obligate a man to “love his
wife as he loves his own body.” This requirement means developing ,הּ ָמ ְצ ַע לי ֶב ְֶ ֶבּ ה ָתֹ ְש ָע - םי ֶנ ָבּ ַה ת ִא ת ִל ִדּ ַג ְמּ ִשּׁ ה ַמ י ֵר ֲה ַו
the foundations of a husband-wife bonded relationship from which ר ָב ָדּ וּה ִז - א ְט ֵח ַה ֵמ ּתּא הּ ָלי ֶצּ ַמּ ִשּׁ ה ַמוּ .הּ ָלּ ִֶ םי ֶנ ָבּ ַה לי ֶב ְֶ ֶבּ
this refined love can blossom - which is entirely elevated by good ל" ַז ַר וּנ ָתּא םי ֶד ְמּ ַל ְמ .ּתּ ְֶ ֶא אי ֶה ִֶ פ ָוי ֵכּ ,א ָלי ֵמּ ֶמ הֹ ִש ֲע ַנּ ִֶ
character traits - as that is the intent of Creation. Particularly in their
first year they must work on developing a proper attachment for ר ִֶ ֲא ַכּ ם ַגּ ,ה ָבּט רי ֶכּ ַה ְל ךְי ֶר ָצ םי ֶל ְבּ ַר ְמּ ִֶ ה ָבּט ל ָכּ ל ַע ִֶ
each other, just as in the development of any good character which וי ָל ָע ֵֶי ר ִֶ ֲא ַכ ְו ,ה ָבּט וּנ ָל תֹוֹש ֲע ַל ל ָל ְכּ פ ֵוּ ַכּ ְת ֶה אלֹ בי ֶטי ֵמּ ַה
demands attention and time. In the progress of this development
there are ups and downs, and it is not possible to hope for an instant .תּבּ ַר תּנ ָע ְט
outcome.
ל ִצ ֵא םיֶיּ ֶרי ֶד ְתּ ַה ה ָדּתּ ַה תּע ָבּ ַה וּל ְבּ ַר ְתֶי ךְי ֵא ,ר ַמאֹתּ םִאְו
All of this is in balance, one relative to the other. This is Hell - a
contentious, argumentative relationship, and this is Gan Eden - a פי ֵא ִֶ א ָנ ע ַד ֵנ ?ם ָז ְג ֻמ ְכּ ָהי ִני ֵע ְבּ ה ִא ָרֵי אלֹ ה ִז ם ֶא ַה ,ה ָשּׁ ֶא ָה
partnered, sensitive, growing relationship. What is the distance .ה ָדּתּ ת ֵת ָלּ ֶמ ףֵיּ ַע ְת ֶמ י ַלוּא ,ה ָדּתּ ל ֵבּ ַר ְלּ ֶמ ףֵיּ ַע ְת ֶמ ם ָד ָא
between Heaven and Hell? An inch (Midrash Kohelet Rabbah,
seventh chapter). Keeping this statement in mind is especially
helpful in the relationship between a husband and his wife. If
everything in their relationship is left alone and unattended it is an
open door to Hell, but if the relationship is worked at and raised up
to a higher level with good character traits - gratitude, attention, ,"דֹא ְמ ךְ ָל ה ִדּמ י ֶנ ֲא" :א ֵל ָמ ה ִפ ְבוּ וי ָנ ָׁ ל ַע ב ָבּ ְל ֶנ ךְוּיּ ֶח ְבּ הּ ָל ה ָדּה ר"ומ
sensitivity, etc. - the outcome is Gan Eden. .וי ָל ֵא ֵמ פ ָבוּמ וּה ִשּׁ ַמ אלֹ ְו ,ל ָל ְכּ ַה פ ֶמ א ֵצּי ר ָב ָדּ ּלי ֶב ְֶ ֶבּ ה ָתֹ ְש ָע ִֶ וּלּ ֶא ְכּ
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