Page 42 - Highlights 2022

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Local News: Sasquatch Found in

Local Library?
A Parody by Kayley Dao '25

Breaking news: The Sasquatch was found
in a local library on Tuesday at 2:58 p.m.

Jared Paulenski, also known as the

Sasquatch, was spotted at the
Triddletown Library this afternoon

reading for the Read-a-thon event.
Normally, residents would see Paul out in

the woods near his log cabin or at the
campsite instructing new campers on fire

safety. No one expected to find him at the
local library catching up on the latest

entry of the House Hunt Series: Hunted
till Dawn; The Krestilente Estate.

The librarian, Mrs. Burrows, reports that

Paulenski has read a total of 13 eligible

books in just the past 4 days, placing him
just behind Aaron James: Current First
Place Holder at 15 books out of 20.

Jared is known as a local celebrity for his

numerous skills as well as his book, To
You I’m a Sasquatch, but to Them I’m a
Friend, where he writes about his

childhood and the hardships he faced.

Next on Channel 928, Pig runs out of
butcher’s shop with, get this, the remains
of its own tail that was put into sausage.