Page 47 - SILFlip

Some partners want a lot of attention, a lot of “I love you’s,” a lot of affection. They need a lot of “tokens,” or markers of how much you love them. Some partners need very little. They are secure in what they have and what they believe. There is no normal amount of direct expression of love that is required in love relationships. But you have to know what your partner needs and you have to be willing to give it to them. One of the biggest sources of disappointment in relationships is when a partner resents what the other partner requires. One partner may even give indication that the other is weak or insecure and in turn criticize or mock. If there is a signihicant gap in what one partner needs and what the other partner is willing to give, over time that is going to contribute to the breakdown of the relationship.
Since men are usually the ones who express less emotion, women will often undertake the task of “bringing a man out of his shell.” This would be in contrast to managing their expectations of what they are going to receive. The person (man or woman) who wants more outward expression of love might be willing to be patient, conduct experiments, complain jokingly about it, complain angrily about it, demonstrate more of their own gestures of love, but at the end of the day it can create a cycle of unmanageable disappointment. One partner feels pressure to do something uncomfortable. The other partner has to coax loving gestures out of their partner; and even if their efforts succeed, they still feel disappointed that they had to do it “by force” — or by begging for it.
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 47