Page 57 - SILFlip

When a partner is experiencing adversity they need more nurturance because overall they are feeling fragile. Experiences outside of the relationship can bring insecurity and self doubt into the relationship and this creates the need to place your partner’s interests and well being above your own.
Relationships often start because one of the partners was there for the other when they were going through tough times. Pairing in times of adversity can be a very powerful bonding experience when the more fragile partner feels uplifted and taken care of. The tough time will often romanticize the relationship because it’s “you and me against the world.” I see this all the time when one partner is going through a difhicult divorce and the other provides comfort and peace of mind. But when I see that I warn people not to let that be the 33333enter of the relationship because it can be difhicult to sustain a relationship when one parter is needy and the other becomes conhined to the role of caregiver. Eventually the caregiving partner is going to want to be taken care of. If a pattern is established where one partner takes on the role of “sufferer” and the other takes on the role of “rescuer” that creates another kind of “equity imbalance.” After the divorce happens what once romanticized the relationship now becomes burdensome to the rescuer.
This might contribute to the statistic which shows that the divorce rate for second marriages is even higher “the second time around.”
More stuff we sing about in songs! Unexpressed perceptions of equity imbalance are crossroads in the evolution of what it takes to
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 57