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manage a relationship when the honeymoon period has passed. It is challenging to sustain a relationship when one partner is a “caregiver” and the other is a “patient.” Good partnerships place each partner in the role of caregiver from time to time and roles shift when required. Relationships where the caregiving goes only one way fail when the caregiver needs nurturing, love and attention and the patient or rescuer needs to step up and shift the focus from themselves to their partner. When this happens the partners need to actively “re-balance” the caregiving system directly.
“I am going through a difKicult time right now. I am handling it the best I can but I can use some help. If I am sad or grumpy I might need to lean on you a bit from time to time. I hope that’s okay.”
These “scripts” appear in this book from time to time and I talk about them as “invitations,” or “invitations to collaborate.” The intent behind an invitation to collaborate is to inoculate your relationship against disappointment during difhicult times. It is a signal from one partner to another that the equity might shift to satisfy the emergent needs of a partner. Be your partner’s rock, be their anchor. Be actively grateful for what you receive in return. It’s part of the work of love.
We stop trying to make our partners happy
At the start of most loving partnerships we actually “think” of ways to try to make our partner happy. “Try” is a big word — three letters, big word. We try to make our partners feel loved. We try to
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