Page 84 - SILFlip

Allow me to use the example of shoe shopping, which might not be an issue for you in your intimate relationship, but which you might be able to relate to anyway. Let’s say one partner really loves it when the other partner accompanies them to buy shoes. Let’s also say the other partner who is not getting shows, feels that going shoe shopping is about as enjoyable as having an organ removed without anesthesia. There are creative solutions to this imbalance. Go shoe shopping online. It takes less time, you don’t have to drive anywhere and while your partner surfs for shoes on their computer (I have to be gender neutral here even though we know that women love shoe shopping and some men do too but I am trying my best), the other partner can have a window on their computer open to look for electronics or cigar humidors or whatever. This partner could also be a man or woman. This solution will not work if the shoe shopper insists on trying the shoes on. Then, you have to get in the car and actually go and argue about the directions on the best way to get to the store.
It might not be about hinding that creative solution all the time as much as it is about showing effort to address what your partner likes and needs by talking about it, making sacrihices and compromising. And often partners do not have to do that with mathematical equality — they just have to do it in a way their partner thinks is “fair.” Finding balance and equity does not require scorekeeping, and in some relationships when one partner tallies every favor and kind gesture, that creates a different set of problems.
Staying in Love: Secret Recipes For Making Love Last 84