Page 159 - The Intentional Parent

important to start talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol very early—as early as they can begin to understand, which is about four or five years old. Teaching them to say no is important, but what is even more important is teaching them how to say no ("I don't like the way it feels," "People develop serious prob-
lems when they drink," "I want to take good care of my body," etc.) and practicing as many "What if..." situations as you can think of. Early warning signs of drug and alcohol abuse include your child becoming more distant and uncommunicative or lying about where he is or was, or a serious decline in school performance.
The worst mistake parents make in situations like these is that they fail to confront the issue until things have already gotten much too far out of hand. Don't make that mistake. Dealing with this kind of problem at its earliest stages when your child is ten or eleven years old is much easier than dealing with it in its advanced stages when he is sixteen or seventeen. Get help fast.
FRIENDSHIP TRIANGLES
My seventh-grade daughter seems to be caught up in a friendship "triangle." She was very close with one friend. Another friend came into the picture, and now both of them compete for this girl's attention. I know I should probably keep my distance from it, but I hate to see my daughter get hurt, and the other girl in the trio is a real backstabber. Should I say something or keep my mouth shut?
You can say something, as long as it is none of the things you feel like saying when you're angry. Kids tend to protect their friends. If you were to say something like, "That Jenny is not a good friend. I don't like the way she treats you," your daughter's likely
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 159