Page 160 - The Intentional Parent

response would be, "Jenny is a good friend. You just don't understand." The best way of communicating in this situation is to talk to your daughter about what kind of good friend she is to Jenny. For instance, say, "You know, I think Jenny and Carole have a lot to be thankful for. Whenever I see you girls, I look at the way you treat them and wish that when I was your age I could have had a friend like you." When you say things like this, and Jenny and Carole treat your daughter badly, she will be more likely to say to herself, "They really don't appreciate me the way they should.”
Another important tip is to be sure you do more listening than talking in these situations. Reflect back your daughter's feelings ("I'll bet that really made you feel lousy."). Ask for details ("I can't believe what I'm hearing. Is there any more to this?"). Sometimes parents can be so quick to want to soothe hurt feelings that they forget that a sympathetic ear is what kids are looking for most.
DEALING WITH BULLIES
Our eight-year-old son is being bullied by an older boy at school. I'm sure he's picking on my son because he's not a fighter and is a really sensitive kid. I can see it getting on my son's nerves, and lately he's been getting down on himself over it. What should I do?
First, find out how much of the bullying is going on in front of your son's friends. Sometimes bullies isolate their victims. It's very peculiar to observe, but it is almost as if these kids develop a close one-to-one relationship with the kids they bully because they have no friends. This is different from the kind of bullying that goes on for the purpose of gaining social power by ridiculing another boy in front of a group. The reason for wanting to know this information is that it will help determine whether or not you
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 160