Page 162 - The Intentional Parent

being the manly brutes they are, will suggest a few fighting lessons and offer the philosophy that if the bully comes near you, take him by surprise by giving him the hardest kick you can to the nether regions and hope for the best. The theory goes that if a bully thinks he might get a hard time from you, he will move to easier prey. I believe that theory is correct, but there is always the chance that your son might make a halfhearted attempt, fail to achieve the desired goal, and wind up flattened and more terrified than ever. Then there's always the prosocial criticism that implies violence is wrong regardless of who is perpetrating it. I'd like to see how people who advocate nonviolence handle it when their kid comes home with a black eye every other week. The next strategy calls for your son to inform whatever school official is in charge of monitoring the kid's playground activities. Anyone who has been doing that job for more than three or four weeks is probably smacking down handfuls of Thorazine, but there are a few school officials who are compassionate. It might even be worth approaching one of these monitors on the sly and asking her to keep an eye on what's going on. If your child complains to the monitor frequently enough, eventually some action might be taken.
The fourth and perhaps best strategy is to intervene, quietly, at the level of the teacher. If you know the bully's name, perhaps your child's teacher can discreetly communicate your concerns to the teacher who has the unfortunate job of managing the bully for the large part of the day.
I have seen these bullying situations last for entire school years and then beyond. The dividing line on whether to intervene really has to do with how much damage the bully is causing. At the first sign of a mark or bruise on your child, you go for the bully and his parents. If your child is complaining about
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 162