Page 55 - The Intentional Parent

naturally talented person’s success over a more naturally talented but less motivated person’s success.
However, while motivation propels us forward, frustration pushes us back. So, if you have a child who doesn’t mind practicing the piano for hours on end to accomplish a difficult piece of music, and if that process produces satisfaction and drive to become an even better musician, then you can encourage your child to work hard and achieve more and more. But if your child is frustrated by playing the piano, and every practice session causes a meltdown, and you feel it is your job to demand better and better performance because that is what you want, the end result might be rebellion against this and most other expectations.
Unfortunately, it is never easy to judge a child’s potential, or how hard you should push a child to reach what you think is their potential. Part of the resolution of this quandary revolves around how you feel about making your child uncomfortable. Another way of framing this struggle is how hard you feel you can push your child without damaging their self-esteem.
The Intentions
Picture the child who comes home from school and immediately starts avoiding the process of settling down and doing homework. There are children who will sit, for hours, with their head on the table, zoning out, avoiding, harassing a sibling, getting out of their seat, etc.. Are you doing something bad, by forcing the child to remain in that environment, challenging you to a battle of wills? Or do you think you can “teach your child a lesson” by forcing him or her to confront the avoidance and conquer it? These are hard
The Intentional Parent by Peter J. Favaro, Ph.D. 55