Page 4 - Fort Irwin High Desert Warrior, November 2020

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November 2020
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Thanksgiving at NTC/Fort Irwin From FAMILY, Page 2

there is no data showing the number for a “I tell my chaplains all the time, who cares
NTC/Fort Irwin Garrison Public A airs blended military family, Military One Source what you think about it,” he said. “I’m not

data shows more than 40% of remarried ser- coming to get your thoughts, I’m coming to

is year, Fort Irwin will continue its tradition of providing holiday meals for anksgiving vicemembers have children from a previous get your help.”
on post. marriage and more than two million children Jones uses caution when counseling from
• On Nov. 24, the meal will be served in DFAC #2 Bldg. 271 from 11 a.m. – 2 p.m. are classi ed as military dependents. the biblical perspective because he said the

• On Nov. 25, the holiday meal will be served in DFAC Bldg. 254 from 11 a.m. – 2 p.m. With no standard laws addressing the chal- Bible is interpreted di erently from so many

lenges of military life, like constant relocations, people.
military families often struggle more with child “When I do counseling, I ask people, do
custody and the road to blending families than they want secular counseling or spiritual coun-
their civilian peers. seling,” Jones said.
Chaplain (Lt. Col.) Terrell Jones has been a ere are studies that say blended families

trained, Military Family Life Chaplain for more should plan to take five to seven years to
than 20 years, counseling dozens of families. form a solid relationship, and even longer for
His advice to families is for parents to remain military families, although Jones said there’s
mature and professional, staying focused on no average timeline for families to acclimate
what is most important—the youth involved— to one another.
by setting a good example. “ ere are so many variables—the age of

“It’s not about you or us, it’s always about
the kids,” Jones said. “Co-parenting can be kind the kids…for military, moving a family and
of rough. You have to set some boundaries.” kids from one environment to another, like
He said one of the reasons couples divorce overseas…getting used to another person of

is because they may have di erent life perspec- authority in the home,” he said. “So to put

tives, which could be an initial hinderance in that on a timeline, it can be di cult. In my
co-parenting. experience, the more aggressively the family
“We’ve got to set some ground rules,” wants the help, the more it lessens the time.”
Jones said. “We may have to deal with some During the COVID-19 environment, Jones
unresolved issues, maybe we have to agree to said chaplains have seen a rise in divorce, mar-

disagree and be able to move on, but it always riage con ict and blended family counseling,
starts with agreeing with what’s best for the but he doesn’t have a negative perspective on
kid.” this.
Upcoming and Jones said parents need to be on the same seling load has been up but to me that’s a good

Youth go through stages of development
“ e numbers have been up and our coun-
Events page and in agreement for the home environ- thing because if my counseling load is going
ment, including homework management, up, it may hinder the domestic violence before
screen time, etc.
“It should look like the only thing di erent things get out of hand,” he said.

Jones said it’s a positive sign because people
*Live #FacebookRoundup every Wednesday at 2:30p.m., where the Garrison Com- is the ‘environment’ but we’re on the same sheet realize they need to speak to someone sooner.

mand Team answers your questions on the o cial Fort Irwin Facebook page, Facebook. of music on core things,” he said. “I’d rather my counselor loads go up because

com/FtIrwin and KNTC 89.5FM e Heat radio. In order for blended family counseling to be that may stop the domestic violence numbers

November 2020 Calendar: successful, Jones said adults must drive the ses- from going up,” he said. “ at means that
-11/2: Combined Federal Campaign: Sam Adams and live on sions and compromise. He conducts counseling someone is saying we need to talk to somebody.

Facebook.com/NTCfortirwin (10-10:30a.m.) sessions with the ex-spouse, using telephone ey’d rather speak to someone than get to a
conferences or video conferences when neces-
-11/3: Election Day: Contact your UVAO or the Post Voting Assistance O cer sary because with military families, many are point where they’d get in trouble.”

at 380-3498 not in the same state. Chaplains are often asked about matters of
-11/11: NTC/Fort Irwin Veterans Day Observance “In situations when only one adult wants child support or divorce decrees but they refer
-11/11: Commissary reduced/holiday hours (9a.m. - 5p.m.) to participate, I try to empower that one adult parents to JAG (military attorneys) and Jones
-11/15 – 11/19: Mobile Dental Van: Sam Adams (8a.m. - 5p.m. Appointments are with information on what to say when they said he actually advises chaplains not to give
full) discuss it with the other parent,” Jones said. advice overall.
-11/17: Community Service Council Meeting: Sandy Basin Community Center Jones reiterated the importance of having “I don’t believe in giving advice, because
(10a.m.) boundaries within blended families, beginning anyone can give advice, I give options,” Jones
-11/17: Post Retirement Ceremony: Sandy Basin Community Center (2p.m.) with how to identify the stepparent. said.
-11/18: EEO Observance- American Indian Heritage: Sandy Basin Community Center “One of the simplest boundaries is, what He believes that as a counselor, when you
and Facebook.com/NTCfortirwin (11:30a.m. - 1p.m.) do I call this person? Stepdaddy or by their give people advice, the chaplain takes owner-
-11/18: Military Spouse Job Fair presented by ACS: Bldg. 109 (9a.m. - 2p.m.) rst name or Mr. or Mrs.?” he said, which can ship of their problem, so he tries to train chap-

-11/19: Newcomer Spouse Orientation: Sam Adams Ballroom (9a.m. - 1p.m.) be cultural. lains to know their role is to, instead, provide

-11/19: EFMP Parent Support Group: Bldg. 21 Recreation Room (10 - 11:30a.m.) Jones also pointed to the reality of blended options that t the direction they want to go.

-11/24: anksgiving meal in DFAC #2, bldg. 271 (11a.m. - 2p.m.) families in the 21st century. Conrad said co-parenting did not start o

-11/25: anksgiving meal in DFAC bldg. 254 (11a.m. - 2p.m.) “In 2020, what does ‘blended family’ easy for her but has some advice to get blended

-11/26: Commissary Closed for anksgiving mean?” Jones said. “You can talk about adop- families o to a good start.

-11/27: Black Friday at the Main Post Exchange (8a.m. - 8p.m.) tion, same-sex marriage bringing a child in “If I could give one piece of advice to
*For more information, you can visit the NTC website at home.army.mil/irwin or that family—there’s a lot of variables that, as blended families in the military, I would say,

contact the Public A airs O ce at 760-380-4511; the MWR at 760-380-5111 (Face- counselors, we have to factor in.” be the adult you want your kids to grow up to

book.com/FortIrwinFMWR) or the respective organization that is hosting the event* Jones tells his chaplain team to leave their be,” she said. “Family is family, whether it’s the
personal thoughts out of their counseling to one you start out with, the one that you end
parents. up with, or the family you gain along the way.”
For more information go to home.army.mil/irwin