Page 10 - Time to Live Your Dreams_Directory

10 TIME TO LIVE
YOUR DREAMS

3 FEAR OF INTIMACY

As my father, psychologist and served as a survival mechanism someone “liking us too much,” an we say we want. The reality is
author Robert Firestone, wrote in his since early childhood… Pushing understandably irrational reason that most people can only tolerate
article “You Don’t Want What You away and punishing the beloved not to date a person. Or we may a certain amount of closeness.
Say You Want,” “Most of us profess acts to preserve one’s negative self- punish the other person by being We are defended about letting
that we want to find a loving partner, image and reduces anxiety.” critical, even engaging in nasty someone else in. In effect, on a
but the experience of real love Our fears surrounding intimacy behavior, essentially making sure deeper level, we don’t necessarily
disrupts fantasies of love that have may manifest as concerns over we don’t get the loving responses want the love we say we want.

4 PICKINESS

Our own defenses often leave weaknesses from the moment we “too into her.” She said he was too What hers and so many
us feeling pickier and more meet someone. When viewing the needy and was sure he would wind similar stories show us is that
judgmental. This is particularly true world from critical or distrusting up getting hurt by her. She often when we think we are “settling”
after we’ve had bad experiences, eyes, we tend to write off a range stated that she just wasn’t attracted for someone, we may not be
where we were deceived or of potential partners before even to him. The men she was drawn to settling at all. We may actually
rejected by a person for whom we giving them a chance. We think of instead tended to be unreliable and find ourselves in a relationship
had strong feelings. Many women dating certain people as “settling” emotionally distant. At her friends’ that is so much more rewarding
start to have thoughts like, “There without ever seeing how that insistence, she finally agreed to than those we have experienced.
are no decent men out there” or person could make us happy in the go on a date with the man who’d Ironically, initially we tend not to
“All the good ones are taken.” Men long-term. been pursuing her. What she found, trust the people who really like
may have thoughts like, “You can’t A friend of mine felt closed to her surprise, was a high-level us, but when we give them a
trust a women” or “Women are all off to a man who pursued her for relationship choice, a partner with chance, we find that we’ve chosen
out to take advantage of you.” We more than a year. Although she whom she shared a great deal of someone who values us for who
may have unrealistic expectations saw him as kind, funny and smart, mutual interest, and, ultimately, we really are, someone who can
for a partner or pinpoint she convinced herself that he was genuine love. really make us happy.

5 LOW SELF-ESTEEM

So many people I’ve spoken to have “critical inner voices” that tell us we of confidence leaves us giving off to meet potential partners. Some
expressed the same sentiment. are too fat, too ugly, too old or too signals of not being open, creating a struggle to make eyecontact or are
They believe they want a fulfilling different. When we listen to these catch 22 in the realm of dating. Many reluctant to scan the room for who
relationship more than anything, “voices,” we engage in behaviors people even have trouble leaving they might be attracted to. When they
but they believe even more firmly that push people away. When we the house when they’re really down are drawn to someone, they may fail
that no one worthwhile would be remain single, it is not for the reasons on themselves, let alone pursuing to pursue their strongest attractions
interested in them. We all possess that we’re telling ourselves. Our lack situations where they are likely for lack of self-esteem.