Page 20 - Journey of Hope by Raymond Moldenhauer

DAY22 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

before you were born I set you apart.

Jeremiah 1:5

TEARS IN MY EYES

I spent the whole day with Heidi and Alyssa today. It was NOT a
“good day for Alyssa” and I write this e-mail will tears in my eyes
as I reflect on the emotions that I felt today. The morning was
fine – and I do thank God for that special time. I was able to
witness the noon “care time” standing no more than a foot away
from the bassinet. I was able to see her close-up and gaze in
amazement at the wonders of the intricate and complicated
human body that God has created, and how all of the details and
intricacy were already there in Alyssa even though she was only
28-weeks old.

But that afternoon was once again a reminder that this is not
about a cute little premature baby that is so small a ring will fit
on her arm, and that she will be just fine – no need to worry.
That image was shattered this afternoon as I witnessed her
being “bagged” and attended to by nurses and respiratory
therapists three times within a 3-hour period – as her oxygen
levels, breathing, and heart rate would fall.

Around 6:30 PM, we finally took a needed break and went to
dinner once Alyssa was stable again. Normally, I would drop
Heidi and Jim back at the hospital, say good night, and drive back
home. This time, however, I needed to park the car and go in
and see Alyssa one more time before I left. I needed to have a
good image of her in my mind before I could leave.
Unfortunately, that was not to be. As I went back to say good
night to her, a nurse was inserting a new IV into her small vein
for a blood transfusion, and her Oxygen levels were again low. I
finally left that evening, but not with an image of a cute little girl
that is so small that a wedding band will fit loosely around her
arm, or of her peacefully sleeping, or of her preciously looking
around and smiling between yawns – I left knowing that this will
not be an easy journey.