Page 11 - Testify 1-14 Nov 2020

1 - 14 November 2020 11

Don’t laugh... it’s not funny
Children’s corner

PASTORAL SEARCH
COMMITTEE Judas: He seems to be very practical, St. Peter drops off the priest, PRIEST AND POLITICIAN The very first chap who entered
co-operative, good with money, cares goes back to the pearly gates my confessional told me how he
In our search for a suitable pastor, the for the poor, and dresses well. We all and motions to the bus driver. A parish priest, Father O’Brien, had stolen a television set and,
following scratch sheet was developed agreed that he is just the man we are They go out the front door, and was being honoured at a dinner when stopped by the police, had
for your perusal. Of the candidates in- looking for to fill the vacancy as our get into a stretch limo. Then on the 25th anniversary of his ar- almost murdered the officer. Fur-
vestigated by the committee, only one Senior Pastor. Saint Peter takes the bus driver rival in that parish. ther to this he told me he had em-
was found to have the necessary qual- to about 500 acres of land, with bezzled money from his place of
ities. The list contains the names of the Thank you for all you have done in as- mountains and lakes and rivers. A leading local politician, who business and had an affair with
candidates and comments on each, sisting us with our pastoral search. was a member of the congre- his boss’s wife. I was appalled.
should you be interested in investi- There is a huge castle on one gation, was chosen to make But as the days went on I knew
gating them further for future pastoral Sincerely, of the mountains with about 200 the presentation and give a little that my people at this congrega-
placements. The Pastoral Search Committee. rooms. St. Peter says “This will speech at the dinner, but he was tion were not all like that, and I
be yours for eternity. You can delayed in traffic. Sooo... Father had, indeed come to, a fine par-
Noah: He has 120 years of preaching PRIEST AND BUS DRIVER live in that castle with servants to O’Brien decides to say his own ish full of understanding and lov-
experience, but no converts. wait on you hand and foot, and few words while they await the ing people.”
A priest and a bus driver both died and you can have everything you politician’s arrival...
Abraham: He took off to Egypt during went to heaven at the same time. They want.” “You will understand,” he said, Just as the priest finished his talk,
hard times. We heard that he got into get to the pearly gates where St. Peter “the seal of the confessional, can the politician arrived, apologised
trouble with the authorities and then greets them. He motions to the priest, The bus driver looks at St. Peter never be broken. What is con- for his tardiness and then start-
tried to lie his way out. they go out the back door, and both hop and says “Well, now, don’t think fessed in there to me, is never re- ed in on his speech. “I want to
in a jeep. Saint Peter takes the priest to I’m not grateful, but shouldn’t peated on the outside. However, thank you all for letting me say a
Moses: He stutters; and his former about 50 acres of rolling hills with a little the priest get all this, not me? I got my first impressions of this few words this evening in honour
congregation says he loses his temper cottage on the knoll. Shouldn’t I get the cottage and parish from the first confession I of Father O’Brien. Twenty-five
over trivial things. 50 acres instead?” ever heard here. years is a long time. In fact, when
St. Peter turns to the priest and says he arrived here, I had the honour
David: He is an unacceptable moral “This will be yours for eternity. A per- St. Peter just laughs and says: Realise, please, that I can only of being the first confession he
character. He might have been consid- fect little cottage, right next to a wishing “The reason you get all this is be- hint vaguely about this, but when heard at this congregation.”
ered for minister of music had he not well. Anything you wish on that wishing cause when the priest preached, I came here twenty-five years
‘fallen.’ well will come true, guaranteed.” The everyone fell asleep. Now, when ago, I thought I had been as-
priest says, “Oh, thank you so much. you drove your bus, people really signed to a terrible place.
Solomon: He has a reputation for This I shall enjoy!” prayed!”
wisdom but fails to practice what he
preaches.
Elijah: He proved to be inconsistent,
and is known to fold under pressure.
Hosea: His family life is in a sham-
bles. He was divorced, and was re-
married to a prostitute.

Jeremiah: He is too emotional, an
alarmist; some say a real ‘pain in the
neck.’

Amos: Comes from a farming back-
ground. Better off picking figs.

John: He says he is a Baptist but
lacks tact and dresses like a hippie.
Would not feel comfortable at a church
potluck supper.

Peter: Has a bad temper, and was
heard to have even denied Christ
publicly.
Paul: We found him to lack tact. He
is too harsh. His appearance is con-
temptible, and he preaches far too
long.

Timothy: He has potential, but is
much too young for the position.

Jesus: He tends to offend church
members with his preaching, espe-
cially Bible scholars. He is also too
controversial. He even offended the
search committee with his pointed
questions.