Page 17 - Testify 1-14 Nov 2020
P. 17
1 - 14 November 2020 17
Heart & How To Talk To Men About Mental Health
Mind
Man-to-Man
By Dr T. Ayodele Ajayi
Consultant Psychiatrist
Movember
As Movember is commemorated globally
this month to raise awareness, and funds
for men’s health issues, it is a good time to
focus on mental health. With one in eight
men in England reporting a common men-
tal health condition and one in three Scot-
tish men stating they have experienced Dr T Ajayi is on the pastoral team of
suicidal ideas on account of stress (Men- one of the New Covenant Churches in
tal Health Foundation), the conversation London, with responsibility for the youth
on how to support a mate with their mental church. He is the author of Footprints
health is timely. of Giants – an inspirational book in the
Christian personal development genre.
The challenge, however, remains that only
one, in four men, feel they are able to talk He is a trained mentor and coach, and
to friends or family about their mental well- Founder and Executive Lead of Mentor
being. Into Medicine - a mentoring organisation
that empowers school and college stu-
In a 2019 survey by Time To Change less dents from socially and ethnically disad-
than half of the 3000 men asked disclosed vantaged backgrounds; to achieve their
that they’ve had less than two heart-to- dreams of studying medicine. Dr Ajayi is
hearts talk with a male friend in the last the Convener of the Mentor Into Medi-
year. Men would rather talk about politics, cine workshops.
sports and the economy, than emotions.
According to another survey, serious top- He is happily married to Dupe and they
ics like mental health, sex life, and money have two teenage daughters.
remain hard topics to broach with even
their closest companions. Could these supporter to arrange a private place and
stats partly explain why 3 out of 4 suicide time to talk. An invitation to lunch, coffee
deaths in the UK occur in men? The most or even a jog or walk can be what it takes
at-risk men are war veterans, low-income for the other to confide in their mates.
earners, BAME, gay and the middle-aged.
What is also concerning is that a good Parity - Approaching a friend as a peer
percentage of men also feel it’s a waste rather than superior is more likely to get
of the GP’s time to talk about anxiety or them talking. Such phrases as “man up”
depression. or “grow up” have been identified as con-
that a reliance on these traditional ideals Broaching The Topic versation blockers. No man wants anoth-
The Alpha Male as what it means to be “a man” may neg- er man advising them on how to run their
atively impact men’s mental health. Men From years of negotiating this difficult lives! A collaborative approach to a safe-
Why does the male gender struggle so who feel as though they are unable to terrain, both in my professional and pri- ty plan is more effective. Don’t forget to
much to talk about feelings and emotions? speak openly about emotions may be less vate life, there are certain principles that agree on further support and checking in
Could the traditional societal definition of able to recognise symptoms of mental appear to work on getting us men to talk times and methods.
masculinity and the expectation of stoi- health problems in themselves, and less about our feelings and emotions.
cism, strength, dominance, and control likely to reach out for support ( Sielder et Reciprocity - 35% of men surveyed in
from the Alpha Male be contributory to al. 2016). Authenticity - Many men worry that not 2019 disclosed that if they wanted to
this, and possibly detrimental to the spe- being mental health experts disqualifies talk to a friend about their mental health,
cies well-being? Some research suggests them from supporting or talk- they would ask how their friend is doing
ing to another man about in anticipation the reciprocation will open
their mental distress. In reali- a conversation. I have found that sharing
ty, just being a listening mate some of my vulnerabilities can be a great
who offers compassion, em- way to put others at ease.
pathy and thoughtfulness is
what is required. Celebration - One of the greatest boost-
ers you can give another man at their
Attentiveness - Men are not moment of mental distress is to offer a
as florid with language when genuine compliment of something that is
expressing mental distress. going right in their lives. That may well be
So, be on the lookout for thanking them for granting you access to
such phrases as “I’m feeling the innermost recesses of their hearts.
stressed,” or “I’m not feeling
my usual self,” as they may Confidentiality - Men will only share their
be the clue to ask again emotions, insecurities, and feelings if they
“Are you sure you are OK”? know they are safe with you. The caveat
Check www.ruok.org.au for to confidentiality would be that a disclo-
conversation prompts. sure may be mandatory if a suicidal or
homicidal plan is disclosed. In such rare
Privacy - Sometimes, the instances, it is best to let your friend know
opportunity to talk to another why it is in their best interest to share to
man about their mental state get them immediate help.
comes at an unguarded mo-
ment of disclosure. At other As I’m a fellow in the same ship (fel-
times, it may require some lowship), I look forward to hearing your
preparation on the part of the thoughts by email at tripartcare@gmail.
com
