Page 9 - July - August 2019 - v3_june_july_2009_Neat

Why Storming Area 51 Isn’t A Great Idea 9

10 Reasons Why Storming

Area 51 Maybe Isn't a

Great Idea

Continued from Page 8

7. Don't Forget the Neuralyzer

Men In Black always carry a Neuralyzer, a
handy piece of alien technology which can
make the target forget what they have just seen.
Any security breaches can be sealed instantly.
There is real-life research into devices
which produce amnesia on demand. The CIA’s
infamous Project MK-ULTRA included
research into a way of producing “the perfect
concussion,” a blow to the head which would
render a victim unconscious and leave them
with no memory of the actual attack. They got
obstacles. Very Few See UFOs As
as far as experimenting with sound beams.
Or at the very least, phasers on stun.
While MK-ULTRA was wound up, the Threat to U.S.
Pentagon continued research in this area, and in
10. What If They're Keeping
1985, it was shown that a sequence of flashing
lights could induce amnesia in rats. Something In?
Rasmussen Reports
Even if you get into Area 51, you may
not have any memory of what you saw The human wave of a million Naruto
afterwards. runners brings the barbed wire crashing down, A number of top senators have been briefed by
and the crowd storms Area 51's administrative the Pentagon recently on UFO sightings by
8. Crash Those Markets center. They seize the controls and the blast Navy pilots, but few Americans feel threatened
doors grind open, the defensive systems are by unidentified flying objects. They do,

The discovery of alien technology would be a deactivated, the doors are unlocked, the force however, believe there is intelligent life out in
space.
huge jolt to the stock market. The tech sector fields powered down (don't forget the alien A new Rasmussen Reports national
looms large in any top ten, with giants like tech).
Apple, Microsoft, Alphabet and Facebook. All All the secrets are there to be revealed, telephone and online survey finds that just 12%
of these would be severely compromised if it right down to the lowest, most secret 29th level of American Adults regard UFOs as a national
sub-basement and the dreaded "nightmare hall." security threat to the United States. Sixty-one
turned out that what they have to offer is
But before the crowd can start exploring percent (61%) do not, but a notable 27% are not
centuries behind the stash of technology
the facility, a sanity-shattering sound emerges sure.
released from Area 51.
from the depths. From the bowels of the The survey of 1,000 American Adults
What little work has been done on this
suggests alien contact would not be good for the underground facility, Great Cthulhu stirs. was conducted on June 23-24, 2019 by
Rasmussen Reports. The margin of sampling
markets. He is freed at last from his eons-long error is +/- 3 percentage points with a 95% level
There would be a free-for-all as confinement. A gigantic alien being beyond our
everyone rushed to take advantage of the new comprehension, whose very appearance warps of confidence. Field work for all Rasmussen
tech. The existing order would upended. There the mind, and with no interest in puny humans Reports surveys is conducted by Pulse Opinion
except as a tasty snack. Research, LLC.
might be a negative effect as human science
A slimy mass of tentacles (as seen on This is the survey question wording:
becomes irrelevant, and researchers lose all
Google Earth images of Area 51) bursts out on
their funding because someone else already has
to the surface and a hungry Cthulhu starts National Survey of 1,000 American
all the answers.
Assuming we survive the likely crash, gobbling humans like popcorn. Adults
on the positive side, the technology might give Well, you wanted to see them aliens…[] Conducted June 23-24, 2019
us unlimited free energy and open the way to the By Rasmussen Reports
stars. On the negative side, it might also give
every street gang the firepower to obliterate 1* Have you or anyone you know ever seen a
cities. UFO?
Maybe a controlled release might be
safer? 2*Do UFOs pose a national security threat to
the United States?
9. Some Dangerous Alien Tech

3* How likely it is that intelligent life exists on
Assuming the theory is correct, and Area 51 is a other planets?
treasure trove of advanced alien technology and
reverse-engineered flying saucers, then NOTE: Margin of Sampling Error, +/- 3
storming it is going to be met with some serious percentage points with a 95% level of
resistance. confidence
A conventional facility may be protected
by security guards with M16s, but if there is
alien technology involved, you can expect to be Publisher’s Note: Send your thoughts and/or
met with cyborgs in chameleon stealth suits, comments on this article and how you would
invisible killer drones and energy barriers, have responded to these questions to me by
dimension warps, and other impassable email to publisher@xchroniclesnewspaper.com.