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8 Why Storming Area 51 Isn’t A Great Idea

10 Reasons Why Storming

Area 51 Maybe Isn't a

Great Idea

By David Hambling

Over 1.5 million people have signed up for a
joke event called Storm Area 51, They Can't
Stop All of Us. The event’s slogan is “let’s see
them aliens,” echoing a popular conspiracy
theory that the U.S. military is keeping flying
saucer wreckage, unearthly technology, and
recovered extra-terrestrial bodies—or perhaps
they are even holding live aliens.
The mass trespass is set for September
20th. While it’s clearly not meant to be taken
seriously, maybe some people will turn up for it. “Restricted Area: it is unlawful to enter 5. It’s A National Security Thing
Here are 10 good reasons to think twice about this area without permission of the Installation
storming Area 51. Commander” Area 51 has been used for flight testing for
Legally speaking, if you cross that line generations of classified aircraft, from the early
1. You Can’s Handle The Truth you are committing an offense against Section U-2 high altitude spy planes to the Mach 3 SR-
1382 of Title 18, of entering a military 71 Blackbird and the F-117 Nighthawk stealth
Conspiracy theorists have it that aliens are being installation without permission, which makes fighter. Less well known programs have
kept secret because of fears that people would you liable to a $500 fine. But that’s the least of included the Tacit Blue stealthy scout and a
freak out if they discovered the truth. This your worries. whole range of ‘alien technology’
argument is brushed aside casually in shows “While on this installation all personnel investigations—not craft from other planets but
like the X-Files who want the truth at any cost. and the property under their control are subject performance testing of Russian MiGs .
But what if the authorities are right? to search” These operations are kept secret for good
Advanced alien intelligences pose a This is not an idle threat. Being caught reason: foreign powers would just love to know
serious threat to religious belief. Mankind may in Area 51 means you are likely to be searched what goes on at Area 51 and what the next
not be the unique being made in the divine rather thoroughly and be left lying face down on generation prototypes look like. While satellites
image as believe. Theologian Ted Peters carried the ground for three hours, as happened to a mean that nowhere is completely out of sight,
out a survey in 2011 of what effect people BBC film crew in 2016. satellites follow predictable paths and
thought alien contact would have on their In 2019 a man was shot dead after operations can be timed to avoid their gaze.
religion. failing to stop at a security gate. After an 8-mile A successful invasion of the hangars and
Interestingly, most people thought that chase, the man was stopped by NNSS Security offices of Area 51, with all the pictures that
their own religion would remain intact, but the Protective Force Officers and Nye County would burst into the public domain, would be a
event would seriously challenge other faiths. Sheriff’s Office and shot when he refused to triumph for Russia, China, and others interested
Somebody is fooling themselves. follow verbal instructions and did not drop a in the latest U.S. technology.
‘cylindrical metal object.’
2. Naruto Running Won't Provide They will shoot if they need to. 6. You’ll See What You Want To See
Complete Protection
4. It’s No Place For A Vacation Intelligence agencies have long made use of the
“If we Naruto run, we can move faster than their UFO community for their own purposes. Early
bullets,” promises the Storm Area 51 Facebook The site was originally chosen in the 1950s as a classified aircraft were often reported as flying
site. testing ground for classified aircraft. The saucers. In particular, the metal finish of early
The Naruto Run is named after a manga selection was made by Kelly Johnson, the U-2s catching the light at dawn or dusk at high
character who runs at superhuman speed with legendary Lockheed engineer behind the U-2 altitude made them both conspicuous and
his arms stretched out behind him. This has and SR-71 programs. Johnson wanted a dry mysterious. One study in the 1950s concluded
lakebed to provide a long, flat landing site. that half of unexplained sightings were
spawned a host of internet memes with people
Dry lake beds by definition occur in classified aircraft.
imitating Naruto’s running style in unlikely
situations. inhospitable desert places, and Groom Lake, as In order to divert attention from real
Usain Bolt, the fastest man on the the place was originally known, is scorching hot projects, the Air Force Office of Special
planet, can sprint at a top speed of about 40 feet in daytime with temperatures routinely over 100 Investigation and others started feeding
per second. A 9mm bullet moves at something Fahrenheit and minimal precipitation. disinformation to UFO groups. As Mark
over 1,200 feet per second, or about thirty times The area also happens to be downwind Pilkington’s 2013 Mirage Men recounted they
faster. Also attempts harness Naruto’s technique of one of the original nuclear test sites, so there allowed selected individuals to see (but not
have not been successful. Outrunning a bullet is residual radiation to consider. copy) fake official documents, photographs, and
Johnson gave the secret site the ironic other ‘evidence’ of alien activity to shape a
seems unlikely.
codename “Paradise Ranch.” Crews sent to the whole mythology.
Crucial additional point: however fast
you’re going, you’re running towards the guns. this attractive-sounding location were horrified The intelligence agencies are smart when
So, your speed is just going to make it sting to find themselves in a place once officially it comes to handling information. Those
more when they hit. described by the U.S. Army as “a damn good storming Area 51 might get glimpses of weird-
place to dump used razor blades.” looking machinery, saucer-shaped craft parked
3. Heed The Signs It is not pleasant hiking terrain. And in hangars, or even big-eyed aliens peeking out
there are no facilities: no cafes, no convenience from upper windows.
stores, no public rest rooms and no water. So But everything you see will be exactly
Area 51 is famously surrounded by menacing
bring a hat, sun block, a few gallons to drink, what they want you to see. It might be real–but
warning signs. The place is not just a
and a Geiger counter. it might not be.
Hollywood myth: It is a genuine classified
defense site and is protected as such. (Continued on Page 9)