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18 EASTERN HORIZON | TEACHINGS

Letting Go of Perfect: A Buddhist

Parent’s Path to Insight

By Alvin Chan Edited by Heng Xuan Published on Oct 30, 2024

Brother Alvin Chan discovered the true Dhamma Parenting: The Ultimate Dhamma Boot Camp
at 38 while seeking Sunday classes for his Once we become parents, we enter a new realm
children. The Buddhist Fellowship has since of practice. Our children become our teachers,
guided his practice. He works in investments and constantly challenging our understanding of anatta
aspires to visit Buddhist historic sites. (non-self), anicca (impermanence), and dukkha

(unsatisfactoriness). Parenting offers unique
In the bustling cities of Singapore and Malaysia, many opportunities for practising the Dhamma:
young Buddhists grapple with life’s big decisions.
As a practitioner in his 40s, I’ve pondered the same • Mindfulness in daily life: Every nappy change, and
questions you might be asking: Is marriage just a every bedtime story becomes a chance to be present.
societal expectation? Should I have children? How do • Patience (khanti): Cultivating forbearance in the face
these choices align with the Dhamma? of tantrums and sleepless nights.
• Wisdom (pañña): Gaining insights into the nature of
Let’s explore how these life stages can be viewed attachment as we experience both intense joy and
through a Buddhist lens, offering insights for those profound worry for our children.
navigating these waters. Here’s my learning journey of • Compassion (Karuna): Expanding our capacity for
having kids whilst practising the Dhamma. love beyond our immediate family.

Questions to ask before marriage and kids Children as Mirrors of Our Practice

Marriage isn’t just about romance or tradition. For Perhaps the most profound aspect of parenting is
Buddhists, it’s an opportunity to create a partnership how our children become mirrors, reflecting our
rooted in Dhamma. Before tying the knot, consider: level of practice. They reveal both our strengths and
weaknesses, often in stark clarity:
• Are you marrying because it’s expected, or because it
aligns with your values? • Have you ever lost your cool with your child in
• Can your union be a foundation for mutual support public? It’s a humbling reminder of how much work
in following and practising the Dhamma? we still have to do on our minds.
• How will you balance commitment with the • When your child achieves something, do you feel an
understanding of impermanence? unhinging need to boast on social media? This might
reveal attachments to pride and external validation.
Remember, a mindful marriage can provide a stable • How do you react when your child struggles in
base for practice, but it’s not the only path to awakening. school? Your response can unveil deep-seated
insecurities or expectations.
How do we balance the Buddha’s teachings on
simplifying life with the complexities of raising a family?