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kindness, but Buddhism is quite helpful in defining such states, your overall sense of health and well-being
loving kindness as feeling genuinely connected with improve. Then also, cultivating such inner states leads to
others and wishing for them to be happy. Compassion decreases in other mental states such as hopelessness,
is similar and related but is a bit braver and stronger. anger, resentment, and fear. And decreasing those
Compassion is loving and is also willing to courageously again enhances our sense of well-being. Also, as we
look at others suffering. I think that compassion can cultivate love and compassion, those inner states
arise in relation to just one other person or animal, lead to behavioral changes, which again improve our
whereas altruism is compassion aimed more broadly— connections with friends, family, neighbors and so forth.
towards all people or towards all sentient beings! So, such inner states lead to a complex, positive, virtuous
cycle of changes for the better for us.
Is compassion an innate quality all humans possess
or is it a quality that one needs to develop? We generally think of compassion as concern and
care for others. How do we cultivate compassion for
There’s clear scientific evidence that compassion is oneself, for one’s own well-being?
an innate capacity shared by all humans. Really all
mammals seem to have the capacity for compassion. This is a wonderful area to work with. As a psychologist,
For example, it’s very clear that parents naturally feel I’ve found that self-compassion is extremely helpful for
compassion for their infants and that this is necessary people’s mental health. I’ve also found that how you treat
for the survival of the species! And children naturally yourself will eventually express itself in how you treat
feel some degree of compassion for animals and other those closest to you. So, self-compassion and compassion
people. So, some degree of compassion is definitely for others are interdependent. I often tell people that
an innate quality for humans. At that same time, that self-care and other-care are totally interdependent. In
natural compassion is limited. For our own well-being terms of how to cultivate self-compassion, there are
and for the well-being of others, it’s extremely beneficial many ways to do so. One thing I often suggest is trying to
to use mind-training methods to develop and increase be aware of how you talk to yourself in your own mind. If
our compassion. There’s now a large and growing you sometimes say harsh things to yourself, then pause
body of scientific research showing that spending time and note what they are. Ask yourself if it would be mean
developing your compassion (directed at yourself and to say those things to a dear friend or a child you care
also at others) enhances mental health, confidence, about. If it would be mean to say something to someone
mood, social connections, immune functions and even else, then it’s mean to say it to yourself. So, then commit
success in business and so on! to stopping such inner dialogue. Instead practice actually
saying to yourself what you’d say to someone who you
HH The Dalai Lama said that the more we care for love! Another related technique is to put your hand on
the happiness of others, the greater our sense of your own heart or shoulder and practice saying certain
well-being becomes. How does this happen? phrases expressing compassion such as, “may I be well,
may I feel safe, may I be free from harm, may I live a life of
One point is that feeling connected with others is really meaning, peace and happiness.”
essential to a sense of well-being in humans. I was really
surprised when I read a summary of some research One last point I’ll suggest, if in the context of such
that showed that feeling isolated and lonely is more contemplations, it can be wonderful to actually then ask
dangerous in terms of premature death than smoking yourself what one loving, compassionate action would
cigarettes. Our bodies and immune systems need to be that you could do in relation to yourself this day or
feel connected to function well! So, as we develop inner this week. If you practice enacting genuine love and
feelings of compassion, that in and of itself is good for our compassion towards yourself, it will be easier to also enact
minds and our bodies. If you try it, you’ll find that right genuine love and compassion for others. And both of those
there in that moment, you feel better. And if you cultivate expressions will benefit you and the world around you.