Page 52 - It Ends with Us

I swear, sometimes I get so mad at he r for stay ing with hi m. I know I’m only

fi fteen and probab ly do n’t unde rstan d al l the reas ons she cho oses to stay, but I
refuse to let he r use me as he r excuse. I do n’t care if she ’s too poor to leav e hi m
an d we’d hav e to move into a crap py ap ar tment an d eat ram en noodl es until I
gradu at e. That would be better than thi s.
I can he ar hi m yelling at he r right now. Sometimes whe n he gets like thi s, I
wal k into the living room, ho ping it’ll cal m hi m do wn. He do esn’t like to hi t

he r whe n I’m in the room. May be I sho uld go tr y that .
—Li ly

Dear Ellen,
If I had ac cess to a gun or knife right now, I’d kill hi m.
As soon as I wal ked into the living room, I saw hi m push he r do wn. The y
were stan di ng in the kitche n an d she ’d grab bed hi s ar m, tr ying to cal m hi m

do wn, and he bac khan de d he r an d knocked he r strai ght to the floor. I’m pretty
sure he was ab out to kick he r, but he saw me wal k into the living room an d he
stopped. He muttered somethi ng unde r hi s breat h to he r an d the n wal ked to
the ir bedroom an d slam med the do or.
I rushe d to the kitche n an d tried to he lp he r, but she never wan ts me to see

he r like thi s. She wav ed me aw ay an d sai d, “I’m fine, Li ly. I’m fine, we just got
into a stupid fight .”
She was cr ying an d I could al ready see the redn ess on he r che ek from whe re
he hi t he r. Whe n I wal ked closer to he r, wan ting to mak e sure she was okay, she
turned he r bac k to me an d gripped the counter. “I sai d I’m fine, Li ly. Go bac k
to your room.”
I ran bac k do wn the hal lway, but I di dn ’t go bac k to my room. I ran

strai ght out the bac k do or an d across the bac kyard. I was so mad at he r for
being sho r t with me. I di dn ’t even wan t to be in the sam e ho use as eithe r of
the m, an d even tho ught it was dar k al ready, I went over to the ho use Atlas was
stay ing in an d I knocked on the do or.
I could he ar hi m moving inside , like he ac cide ntal ly knocked somethi ng
over. “It’s me. Li ly,” I whi spered. A few seconds lat er the bac k do or opened an d

he looked behi nd me, the n to the left an d right of me. It was n’t until he looked
at my fac e that he saw I was cr ying.
“You okay ?” he as ked, stepping outside . I used my shi r t to wipe aw ay my
tear s, an d noticed he cam e outside instead of inviting me in. I sat do wn on the
porch step an d he sat do wn next to me.