Page 53 - It Ends with Us

“I’m fine,” I sai d. “I’m just mad. Sometimes I cr y whe n I get mad. ”

He reac he d over an d tucked my hai r behi nd my ear. I liked it whe n he di d
that an d I sudd enly was n’t near ly as mad an ymore. The n he put hi s ar m
around me an d pulled me to hi m so that my he ad was resting on hi s sho ulde r. I
do n’t know ho w he cal med me do wn witho ut even tal king, but he di d. Some
people just hav e a cal ming presence ab out the m an d he ’s one of tho se people.
Completely opposite of my fat he r.

We sat like that for a whi le, until I saw my bedroom light turn on.
“You sho uld go,” he whi spered. We could both see my mom stan di ng in my
bedroom looking for me. It was n’t until that moment that I real ized what a
per fect view he has of my bedroom.
As I wal ked bac k ho me, I tried to thi nk ab out the entire time Atlas has been
in that ho use. I tried to recal l if I’d wal ked around af ter dar k with the light on
at night , becau se al l I normal ly wear in my room at night is a T-shir t.

Here’s what ’s craz y ab out that , Ellen: I was kind of ho ping I had.
—Li ly

I close the journa l when the pain pills start to kick in. I’ll rea d
more tomorro w. May be. Rea ding about the thi ng s my dad used to do

to my mom kind of puts me in a bad mood.
Rea ding about Atlas kind of puts me in a sad mood.
I try to fall asleep and thi nk about R yle, but the who le situation
with hi m kind of makes me mad an d sad.
Maybe I’ll just thi nk about Allysa, and ho w ha ppy I am tha t she
sho wed up today. I could use a friend —no t to ment ion hel p—d uring
thes e ne xt few mont hs . I ha ve a feel ing it’s going to be more stres sful

tha n I bargained for.