Page 127 - You Only Live Once [BooksLD]

‘Did you tell my dad that I am here?’

‘Not yet,’ she murmurs. Parvathi watches the scene silently. What could
she say anyway? She has been the friend I trusted, the friend who cheated
me.
‘I need some time with myself,’ I pick up the letter and make a move
towards my room. I don’t bother Aarav. I just want to be with myself.

Her letter feels like darkness at the end of a tunnel. My decision to keep
at my dreams and find you someday kept me happy on most days, mom.
But today, I feel wounded. I feel deserted. I feel as if I have failed to find

you.
I feel hurt, hurt really deep. But it’s not like the wound you might get
when you go for running and fall, nor the kind of hurt that slipping your
hand off a knife would cause. It’s the kind of hurt so deep that I believe I
might as well die.

Oh! Did I forget to mention that I am contemplating death? Right now.
Well, yes I am.

It is not because of the pain that this kind of hurt causes. It’s for the
pleasure that freeing myself of this burden would offer - the burden of never
meeting you again. No, I’m not at fault. Don’t blame me. Like I’ve told
you, my soul tricked me into this. Yes, it did. The only wrong I did was
listen to it. If I would not have come all this way to search for you, I would
have died with the hope that you’re alive somewhere.

But tonight, I am not going to listen to it. I have made up my mind. I
would rather talk to it. I would want it to see the consequences of luring me
to follow my dream. Eventually, I would either talk it out of this or die. But

there’s no way I’m carrying this burden any further.
But how do you know the kind of hurt I’m talking about?

You can imagine it if you have ever experienced a dream shattering into a
million pieces like glass. If you’re one of those people who have been wary
of the consequences of dreaming and, therefore, have not dreamt thus far,
you’re not courageous enough. Maybe even the wise aren’t spared by the
trap of love, and if not dreams, I’m sure love wouldn’t have spared you
from feeling this - the kind of hurt that I am talking about. The hurt of

someone close to you leaving you forever, or passing away.