Page 128 - You Only Live Once [BooksLD]

I enter my room and collapse into a pile of nothingness due to the
dizziness that this kind of hurt causes. I want to tell you, my soul, that you
did a terrible thing by fooling me into following my dream.

Often in the moments of extreme pleasure or pain, you tend to blur out
the wider picture and focus on the immediate things around you. My hair
fall over my face and I feel surrounded by darkness, except for the thin
streams of light from the bulb in my room filtering through the locks of my
hair.

I light a cigarette I had bought on the way back. I am not a smoker, but I
need something to occupy my time with. And if it deteriorates my health,
damages me, I am more than happy to spend time with it. What I can see

and feel with utmost clarity are the strands of hair that smell like burnt
cigarettes, cigarettes that we often light in the company of bleeding dreams
or burning desires.
Why do we seek solace in hurting ourselves when we’re at the lowest? At
this very moment, I want to skin myself layer by layer and reach the place

where my soul exists. For if the tree is uprooted and thrown away, there
would not be the expectation of it bearing a fruit someday! For if the strings
are pulled and plucked from the guitar,

there would not be an expectation of it to sooth the ear someday!
I move to the bathroom and reach out for the blade in my razor. I want it
to rip my skin, layer by layer precisely. As I am about to touch it to my
wrist, the letter drops out of my pocket and falls on the ground near my feet.
I look at it and I am instantly reminded of my mother’s wish to release the

album.
Selfless love is true love. It permeates the subtleties of the timeline,
irrespective of the timeline’s orientation - alternate reality or rebirth. That’s

the kind of love that poets have penned down for ages across geographies.
It’s eternity. It’s forever. It’s the kind of love that teaches you to give, not
expect, and not only to give but to do so with a whole heart. Feeling such
love can prove to be one of the most ennobling experiences of your life. No
matter who you are, what you do, or where you go, this love will stay
within you, for it is beyond the constraints of time and space. Like for me,
my mother’s love would. Forever.

I throw the blade away and sit on the floor. I crawl towards my side. My
legs aren’t hurt but I just don’t feel like getting up, so I choose to crawl. I