Page 82 - You Only Live Once [BooksLD]
P. 82

Any lazy people in the crowd?

                   The crowd goes ‘wohooo’ and almost 20 people raise their hands.
                   Oh. Ugh … You guys have too much energy to be called lazy. Shame on
                you. You disgust me. Booo booo. Haha.

                   Shame!  (There  is  a  sound  of  a  gong  behind  me.)  Shame!  (The  gong
                sounds again.) Shame! (And again.)

                   Hehehe.
                   I am legitimately lazy. I can even get that notarized. I don’t work or even
                move if it’s not important. I would not have come here if I hadn’t lost a toss
                to  Uncle  Ricky.  Cheers  to  him,  he  is  my  mentor.  The  crowd  breaks  into
                whispers.

                   I also do that flower thing people do in movies. He loves me, he loves me
                not. But mine, instead, is: should I move today, should I not? I giggle.

                   This is not even a phase of life. It’s just me. Like in college, I could have
                topped  my  Math  classes.  But  I  got  straight  Cs.  Because  I  wrote  exactly
                enough to pass and not a sentence more.
                   I  could have been some  big shot corporate suit by now. But that’s  too

                much work. Like fuck that, I would prefer being poor but satisfied.
                   I love being single too. This statement is the Gayatri Mantra of all single
                people. It’s just dope. No one to nag. No one sitting on your ass all the time.

                My tone suddenly takes a condescending turn. Do this. Don’t do that . You
                have done that wrong. It should have been this way. No, you can’t have that
                much  candy.  No  you  cannot  deep  fry  cheese-dipped  extra-cheese  cheese
                burger. What are you, a 12-year-old?
                   Life is too short. And I want to be a 12-year-old. Even when my school

                teachers asked me what I wanted to be when I grow old, any guesses? I
                said, a-12 year-old.
                   Laughter  erupts  through  the  crowd.  She  wasn’t  amused.  She  thought  I

                wanted to HAVE a 12-year-old … which I now think is a dope idea. I think I
                should adopt a kid. It would be like getting an intern for life. For life, I say.
                It’s like free labour. I have to provide him what, the basic necessities. He
                would  clean  the  house,  do  the  dishes.  He  would  be  like  my  personal
                Cinderella who would never find her prince.

                   What? Hahaha. He would be grateful that I saved him from the hole I
                picked  him  up  from.  The  abortion,  I  mean,  adoption  clinic.  I  don’t  know
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