Page 83 - You Only Live Once [BooksLD]

where they come from.

It’s just improv at the moment. Hmm … free labour. He would do every
shitty thing I don’t like to do. He would be so good for living out my
bitching philosophy.
You don’t really have to do anything. And if you do, make the orphan do
it.

I can see a few of you are starting to turn on me. And this makes me
realize, I really wouldn’t like to be quoted on what I just said. Really. It
might be funny but it’s really dark, even for me.

I can just see tomorrow’s headline ‘INSENSITIVE COMIC OFFENDS
ORPHANS’ and the nation wants an apology from the buffoon who thinks
it’s okay to make fun of orphans, and after that I should leave my country.

End of story, but not the discussion .
I have started watching DD as I can not stand the poison, the hate, and

the opinion eccentric regular news. DD is still full-on facts. I believe if
news is interesting, it’s flawed and doctored. I started a hashtag for that:
MAKE NEWS BORING AGAIN. News is just bombarded on us with no
context now. Headlines go like: Pakistan is trying to invade India; up next,
opposition caught in a corruption scandal; up next, onion prices are at 150
per kilo; up next, was Karina in Ibiza with Ranbeer; and then there is a
genocide happening in Thailand.

And you be like, honestly, was the story about onions even important?

Who the fuck cares about onions, tell me what’s happening in Ibiza.
To make matters even more fun, it’s all sponsored by penis enhancement
pills which actually makes you impotent. And somehow, we think we live in
the golden age of information and television.

Think. Think. Think.
That’s my time folks.

I receive a round of laughter and applause, followed by people standing
up as they continue to clap. It turns out to be my best performance so far. I
place a hand on my beating heart and tell myself that I have a long way to
go!

I walk down to see Akshaye and Shikhar. Akshaye is accompanied by his
wife Urmila.