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Sleeping with other people: how gay men are

making open relationships work

A new study says non-monogamous couples can actually be closer, even as critics
of open relationships argue humans are unable to separate love and sex

Hugh McIntyre, a 26-year-old music writer, and Toph Allen, a 28-year-old

epidemiologist, are in love and have an “amazing” relationship of two and a half
years. One of the keys to their success: sleeping with other people.

“We wouldn’t change a thing,” says Allen, who lives in New York City with

McIntyre. “We get to fulfill our desire of having sex with other people.

We avoid cheating and the resentment that comes in monogamous relationships
when you can’t pursue sexual urges.” Their relationship is not unusual among gay

men.

In 2005, a study found that more than 40% of gay men had an agreement that sex
outside the relationship was permissible, while less than 5% of heterosexual and

lesbian couples reported the same.
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McIntyre and Allen say the strength of their bond is built on clear and open
communication.

And while that assertion will be perplexing or even taboo to many monogamous

couples, a new study into gay couples in open relationships suggests that this
skepticism is unjustified.

In fact, the study says, non-monogamous couples can actually be closer than their

more faithful counterparts.

In June 2015, Christopher Stults, a researcher at the Center for Health, Identity,

Behavior, and Prevention Studies at New York University, launched a qualitative

study of 10 gay couples in open relationships.

He conducted 45-minute, individual interviews with each of these men and their
partners, who ranged in age from 19 to 43.