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Dealing with Deception in Writing 317

No. Topic Question or response Comment Labels and
actions

12 3 45

103 I then turned to Aiden who was ‘I then’ = discontinuity phrase =

now sitting up in his sleeping something omitted?

bag. He asked if that was all the Got out of the tent, into the car

tea he was getting. I said ‘Are you and opened the door on the off

still hungry?’ he said ‘Yes’. I said I side. Were the beans in the car or

would give him some more tea. I in the boot?

asked him what he would like. He Excessive detail = means this is

said he didn’t know so I suggested very important to her

some more bake beans. He agreed.

I climbed out of the tent and

walked around the tent to open

the car door which hit the tent as

it opened. I got out the tin of bake

beans and then climbed back in the

tent.

104 I asked Aiden if he wanted it in the A very strange reason for getting

tent or wanted to eat with me. He Aiden out of the tent, especially

said in the tent but I wasn’t sure in his pyjamas on a cold night. A

which was his plate and he had a possible reason for not putting his

habit of spilling beans. I told him to Parka on was that it was already

come with me back to the stove and bloodstained

show me his plate. There were only two plates:

Michael’s and Aiden’s. Michael

who was at the barbecue could

easily have answered this

question

SHE DID NOT ZIP UP THE TENT

105 He went one way I went the other ‘Race’ is the only time she had

around the bushes and we had a fun with the kids. Aiden was in his

race to the barbecue area. pyjamas!!

106 Michael was talking to the
Tasmanian man who wanted to go
and try the local bar after tea.

107 I climbed the rail and walked
around the gas bottles to the
stove we were using. I put the
beans down and picked up the can
opener.