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How To Survive Baby Loss
is carrying new life, and bringing it into the world. There are
even some who think that women’s liberation won’t be com-
plete until science has made a way for men to carry babies! This
proves that they see this distinction between men and women
as an oppressive shackle.
But if you are reading this, you already know the importance
and wonder of carrying a child. If you are in the stages where
you are continuing to try to get pregnant, you understand the
value in what you are doing. Moving on for you would be get-
ting pregnant again. Trust your doctor to tell you when your
body is ready. Meanwhile nourish it and prepare it for the task
as best you can.
But for those for whom carrying more children is not an op-
tion, your decisions now are about whether you will seek adop-
tion or move on to the next stage of your life. If you have had
children already, God has plenty yet for you to do in raising
them. Your life will continue to overflow with purpose in moth-
erhood.
If you do not have children and trying is no longer an option,
I want you to know that I am truly sorry for you, because I know
the depth of your desire to carry a child and bring them home.
I know that there have already been well-meaning people who
have tried to encourage you toward the “consolation prize” of
adoption, and I know that it hasn’t helped. Still, adoption is a
high calling, as is fostering. In reality, it is no consolation prize
at all. Our Father in heaven has blessed us with the gift of adop-
tion as sons and daughters. He has made us his true children by
the sacrifice of his only begotten Son, and adoption means that
he is our real Father. I don’t know if that is what He will call
you to, but you will know if He does, and to adopt a child who
needs a mother and father is a special and Christlike calling.
It is okay to grieve moving on from the hopeful stage of car-
rying children to the next stages God has planned for you. For
most of you it is raising children through the stages of their de-
velopment, trusting God that He has designed your family the
way He wants it, and being attentive to what is in front of you.
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