Page 45 - flip book- How To Survive Baby Loss

Involving others in your journey

grateful. These relationships are a priority and a support to you.
So what you could do is treat those relationships with priority,
investment, and treat them special.

Caring about other people’s stories and getting to know
people in the grief and loss community has been instrumental
in my personal journey. It has allowed me to focus on some-
one else’s story and not just my own pain and grief. Part of me
chose to make connections, because I believed that God wanted
me to film grief and loss stories. I was trying to get to know
people as a “newbie” in this community. At times, I felt a little
bit snubbed by people who had been around awhile. I felt like
the message I was receiving was, “what the heck are you doing?
Maybe you’re going to eclipse what I’m doing.” Of course, no one
said that, but I felt like I was trying harder in the beginning to
connect and get to know people while not receiving the same. I
was not expecting anyone to care about my story as much as I
cared about theirs.

Do not be surprised if you face some disappointment in
this area. Relationships after loss do change. A reality is that
some friendships disappear. Grief can be treated like a conta-
gious disease. When you need to hear from your loved ones
the most, they do not call, write, text, or email. When people
honor our children’s existence it can be the very essence that
can bring doses of comfort, but more often than not, they say
they do not know what to say. It is that silence that hurts the
most. Non-profit organization Owl Love You Forever founder
Shayla Van Hofwegen shares that it is helpful to communicate
to others: “losing our babies is what hurts, not you acknowledging
their existence.”

What if you did not lose a child, but you are reading this to
understand what it is like? Stepping into the world of someone
who did lose a child, noticing them, and their story, is huge!
One of the most powerful things you can do is acknowledge
someone’s pain. Do not be afraid of the subject. People are often
tempted to pretend like it did not happen. That makes it worse.
Don’t be that person.

45