Page 40 - flip book- How To Survive Baby Loss

How To Survive Baby Loss

tion of a constant identity, then whatever happens to you, good
or bad, or what people think of you, it will derail you.

The children’s book, You are Special by Max Lucado, holds
a special place in my heart. It was a gift from my sister for our
little one. It is about wooden people affected by praise or stars,
and criticism or dots. They all had an amount of stars and dots
on their bodies to display their identity whether they liked it or
not. The character Punchillo had mostly dots, as he was not spe-
cial or good at things that Eli, the woodcarver, taught him about
his identity. As Punchillo started to believe him, the marks be-
gan to fall.

At the end of the day, it’s not about the number of Facebook
likes, followers or fans. Not about praise to your Instagram sto-
ries. It’s not about the brand of makeup, the car you drive or
don’t drive, or your position at work. It matters your position
with your Maker. Identity is one of the most important, power-
ful topics that can bring joy and contentment when we have the
right perspective.

For me to change my identity to a constant firm foundation, I
had to learn to recall God’s goodness. Like the process of steep-
ing loose leaf tea in hot water for a rich taste, God’s promises
needed to be infused into my heart, soul, and my very being.
While I still have those moments of bitterness and anger, it
does not define me. Child loss does not define me, although it’s
largely a part of who I am. What is your role or title? Is it mom
of one living child? Is it having a heavenly baby? It will always
be a part of who you are, a mom or dad of a heavenly baby,
but you don’t have to drown in that identity. This process takes
longer for some than others. I think of how our son would want
his mom to be. To be the best mother to his loving sister. To
enjoy life to look at the beauty around me. To grieve with other
parents who have lost children. To appreciate the little things.

The topic of self-hatred is particularly important to me be-
cause I struggled with it. It’s a part of you wrestling with your
identity post child loss. I understand that hatred for your body
and yourself that accompanies this tragedy. It is very real and
hard to manage. I understand where the anger comes from.

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