Page 50 - DIVA_1_2008_No.32

AMBASSADRESS: SPORT

hundred k.cals and a good couple of phone calls on of the afternoon. We
Most of the WMDs in
quarter of a mm around the the mobile and simulta- commiserated with each
our Embassy are kept in
love handles before subsi- neously scanning the head- other over tea and
the refrigerator.
ding into the bar for a glass lines of the complementary macaroons just as soon as I
or three of pink champagne newspapers. The resulting was cleaned up, and it was
The major threat facing a
with which to congratulate gain of half a kilo is, as at this point that the penny
diplomat posted to a
ourselves. everyone knows, due to an dropped. I didn't need
gastronomically advanced
increase in muscle bulk. sport. I needed an
country is his expanding
Hmmm. Could try harder. alternative
strategy.
waistline, and given the
Off to the gym. Next stop: equitation. Containment was not
cost of a half-decent
According to all my non- working. War would be
wardrobe, drastic measures
If you organise this proper- riding friends who would- declared. The fridge would
must be taken and
ly, you can multitask. n't know one end of a horse be deprived of ammunition
sanctions applied if this
Women excel in this field from the other, (i.e. which and anything highly
impending danger is to be
and complain though we bit bites and which does calorific would be
averted.
may, it gives us great satis- the kicking), as a form of eliminated.
faction proving, as it does, exercise this is a waste of Disarmament.
In an attempt to bum some
our infinite superiority time because it is the ani-
of the calories absorbed
over the male of the mal which does all the run- Or Nouvelle Cuisine, as
whilst sacrificing the body
species, incapable as he is ning around while the rider Cook prefers to call it.
eating and drinking for my
of even conducting a merely sits there. Which
country, I have taken to
whilst just goes to show all they
conversation
sport. First up on the
reading the newspaper. In know about it. When I
agenda: a none-too-com-
the gym, multitasking returned exhausted,
petitive game of tennis.
works as follows: covered in mud, sweat and
bits of twig, I was turned
The main problem here is
Equipment needed : one away at my own front door
finding a way to slink out
iPod (am I advertising? in case I sullied the
of the Embassy dressed for
Will Apple sponsor me?) Aubusson carpet. Had to
action yet unobserved. Not
and two sets of earphones. creep in through the
easy when one is being
One ear is plugged into the tradesmen's entrance and
picked up on a large
music, the other into the run the gauntlet through
Harley Davidson by an
screen
flat
TV. starched minions flicking
Italian duke with a name
Entertainment plus infor- feather dusters at the
which would stretch for
mation all in one go. gilded gesso and ormolu.
three lines were I about to
Meanwhile, the legs are Very bad for self image.
mention it, which of course
pounding the rubber and
I am not, covered in liberal
you still have your hands Beagle was furious, too.
lashings of black leather
free to write a note to Apparently something
and silver studs. And I do
remind yourself to stop off particularly juicy and
not refer solely to the bike.
and buy some flowers on hauntingly aromatic had
the way home. The gym attached itself to my boots
As the syntax should have
also has a health club, by and she was in there for the
made clear. Racquets
the way, which does a great kill all the way up the stairs
swinging wildly in the
line in delicious chocolate to the bathroom where,
thrust from the exhaust, we
brownies that can be denied access, she howled
head for the tennis club
consumed whilst making a the Gone Away for the rest
and work off a couple of
48 1 2008 Diva

vanternat on at.