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A rn h a c c a A va A c Cl

A wee break in

the Highlands G *

o
o
e were rip in tl'ie farthest alcoliol. Health and Sa-
nortliern reacbes of Scot- fety is clearly watering
land, though not witl down the booze to such
Scots. Not a 161t nor a bagpipe as far a degree that it now
as the eye corild see or tlie ear corild requires more tlian one
hear. Not a sniff of a liaggis nor even can absorb to get a good
a plate of porridge all weekend. We night's sleep. And then
tend to have tliese incongruously they add these diuretic
foreign friends in far flung places. It ingredients which wake
is all part of the diplomatic privile- you up around : a.m.
ge. Large liistoric horise, amazing and again at around 5

scenery, water lapping at the doors- o'clock and as a result

tep -- perhaps a little too entluisias- the corridors in your
tically for some of ris Mediterra- average corintry man-
nean types, but all very suggestive sion turn into the equi-
and romantic nonetlieless. Bloody valent of Piccadilly Cir- s
cold, but liiglily suggestive. Of wliat, cus in the early hours.
exactly, one could not quite define.
On this particular occasion, the corridors to themselves. Or at the
No complaints. Good food, good Schloss in question was Of-An-Age. most only having to share them
wine, no compulsion to rise at dawn Bathrooms were not only not en with an old, very understanding
to 1611 innocent wildlife or sit up suite, they were right at the end of a retainer, whose presence had been

into the early hours listening to the long and very draughty corridor and of no consequence for a good many
pipes whilst the wind howls through To Be Shared. Our particular group generations. These being generally
the gaps in the window frames. No- of spoiled-rotten house guests had the first off the mark in the dash,
thing that couldn't be counteracted not considered this possibility when they had no compunctions about
by a couple of cachemire sweaters, pacl6ng their monogrammed lug- remaining behind locked doors un-
a strong Scotch and an extra blan- gage, and not one of tliem had had til the others had once more retired
ket or six. The problem was of a the foresight to include a dressing to bed and they were free to emerge
different nature. The call, in fact, of gown or slippers. The scene in the somewhat gingerly and resume
nature. early hours was worthy of an old their slumbers. Many of the guests
Feydeau farce. Guests wrapped gave up in desperation and resorted
Now it has come to my notice in in towels, bed sheets or raincoats to otlier more basic solutions.
recent years that none of us is get- stumbled desperately through
ting any younger. I fail to see how pitch-dark ghost-ridden corridors We took a gentle stroll around the
this has come about nor did I notice to seek relief in bathrooms already grounds tlie next morning. Tlie sun
it creeping up on us particularly, occupied by other guests reluctant was finally shining in all its glory.
apart from all these chaps disap- to emerge and reveal their noctur- Upon close inspection, however,
pearing at regular intervals for so- nal sartorial inadequacies. Some the heather beneath the bedroom
mething called a PSA test, but all of the more desperate members of windows was lool6ng strangely
of a sudden their nocturnal habits the established aristocracy, their jaded around the edges despite a
have undergone a dramatic cliange. embonpoint encouraged by years of niglit of refreshing rain. Eye contact
Gone are the days when one would port and plieasant, were so little in amongst tlie guests was, I noted,
hit the pillow and have to be awo- control of their sphincter muscles conspicuously avoided. a
ken with the equivalent of a twen- that, imaging themselves to be
ty-one-gun salute if one was not to alone in this predicament, they had
miss the scrambled egg and kipper made tlie dash stark naked, accus-
ten liours later. I blame it 011 the tomed as they were to having their

Ambassadress 3 3