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150  AN EXILE OF THE MIND       CHEAP WINE AND PAELLA                          151


           court that day, Nicole, in her Québécois
           French, pleaded poverty to the judge
           to no avail, and the last of our money
           was spent on a new tyre and a fine.
              We arrived in  Calais and not a
           cent between us for the crossing to
           Dover. Unused pounds sterling were
           kindly donated to us by a busload of
           German  tourists returning from a
           London trip. It was enough for the
           ferry and a decent meal.
              As we  arrived  in  London,  black
           smoke erupted  from the  camper’s
           rear in deafening  blasts. We had
           miraculously  motored  11,000 kilo-
           metres without breaking down.
              The  camper was cheaply sold to
 Azenhas Do Mar on the coast of Portugal.  another traveller and we found work   1969 poster of the rock musical.
           and a place to live. Nicole as a French
 above and we felt  the chill rain  to bark at straying sheep skittering   translator in the ‘Square Mile’, and I  extra for the Peter Sellers’ movie, The
 flooding in where the roof had been.  down stone-flagged lanes.   in Soho with my nose amidst books  Magic  Christian. He told us about
 The pop-up rooftop had blown clean   In the  devout  town  of  Fátima,   at the British National Bibliography.  actors  flubbing  lines  deliberately  in
 off  to  sail  over  a  Spanish  hedge  the site of Catholic miracles, pious   Scented oak panelled the walls  this  black  humour  comedy  to  ogle
 and  bellyflopped  in  a  field,  intact.   worshippers crawled to the   and sprays of roses pushed through  88 galley slave girls, naked from the
 Luckily we were able to put   chapel on bloodied knees   the plaster on ornate ceilings in the  waist up. And Nicole and I to ogle the
 it back before the camper   for sins committed, past   nine-room apartment we rented on  cast of the rock musical, Hair, naked
 filled with water.  and  present, and per-  Kensington High Street. A shared  from the waist up and down at the
 In an exotic  cobble-  haps to collect a key for   luxury with ten others of cosmopolitan  Shaftsbury Theatre.  Paul Nicholas
 stoned  village in the   the Pearly Gates.  mix. We took the Virgin’s Wing with  jumped from the stage onto the lap
 hinterland of bewitching  Portugal,   With funds fast dwindling we left   its racks of servants’ bells no longer  of a mortified Nicole who could only
 a symphony of bells jingled on the  Portugal and sped across  Spain and   clamouring on their curled springs  squeak, “Ooh la la.”
 woolly  necks of  sheep  scampering  France into  Switzerland where one   for  sweet  tea,  scones  and  finger   And far away in the  night sky,
 alongside  shepherds  wielding  long  of our tyres, worn to the metal, was   sandwiches for ‘above stairs’.  Neil Armstrong had just left  his
 wooden  staffs.  A  sheepdog  rushed  spotted by a policeman as we slept. In   One of our flatmates worked as an  footprint on the moon.
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