Page 560 - swanns-way

memory of her affection for Odette had coalesced suddenly
with his more recent memory of her unseemly conversa-
tion. He could no longer separate them in his mind, and he
saw them blended in reality, the affection imparting a cer-
tain seriousness and importance to the pleasantries which,
in return, spoiled the affection of its innocence. He went to
see Odette. He sat down, keeping at a distance from her. He
did not dare to embrace her, not knowing whether in her,
in himself, it would be affection or anger that a kiss would
provoke. He sat there silent, watching their love expire. Sud-
denly he made up his mind.
‘Odette, my darling,’ he began, ‘I know, I am being simply
odious, but I must ask you a few questions. You remember
what I once thought about you and Mme. Verdurin? Tell
me, was it true? Have you, with her or anyone else, ever?’
She shook her head, pursing her lips together; a sign
which people commonly employ to signify that they are not
going, because it would bore them to go, when some one
has asked, ‘Are you coming to watch the procession go by?’,
or ‘Will you be at the review?’. But this shake of the head,
which is thus commonly used to decline participation in
an event that has yet to come, imparts for that reason an
element of uncertainty to the denial of participation in an
event that is past. Furthermore, it suggests reasons of per-
sonal convenience, rather than any definite repudiation,
any moral impossibility. When he saw Odette thus make
him a sign that the insinuation was false, he realised that it
was quite possibly true.
‘I have told you, I never did; you know quite well,’ she

560 Swann’s Way