Page 30 - Cindy Salas Murphy San Diego Woman Magazine

F ANT ASTIC FLASH FIC TION

LESSONS LEARNT TIME WOMB

By Mamta Malhotra by Kristin Chemis
I am going through a crisis, a mid life cri- I step inside and close the tinted glass
sis. My thoughts are flowing free, there is door, enveloping myself with the scent of
a clarity and confidence in my being, like cut cedar and a certain magic. This small
never before. This feeling is new to me. rectangular box instantly takes me to oth-
What has led to it, I am not sure. er places and times. The temperature ris-
es. Groans of ankylosaurs and T-rexes call
After being a stay at home goddess (YES) out, beckoning me into their era.
for years, I want something else. The urge
to challenge myself, let go, experience a My kids' eyebrows go up. Their jaws drop.
new world and apply my grey cells, is for They're watching me from the other side
the first time, exciting me. As much as I of the glass, and they hear those distant
value what I did as a mother, wife, daugh- sounds made near. The time machine is
ter, friend, and the list goes on and on, I real.
often caught myself feeling less than every-
one around. Every time that feeling sur- Then it's Mozart—I'm at a concert hall,
faced, I pushed it away. I put on the façade listening to the performance of his final
of “I don’t care what you think”, but think masterpiece, the Requiem, written at the
is all I did. end of his life. Its vocalists' souls seep out
like honeyed sap dripping from the planks
Am I reading enough? Am I exercising around me.
enough? Do I know what my kids need
from me? Am I up to date with news from And then rebirth, in the 1930s jazz scene.
around the world? Do I care enough about Benny Goodman's clarinet sings, sings,
what’s happening in the world, or in my sings its wavy swing and my kids dance
world? Do I make everyone happy? Am I along to the jive.
happy? These whimsied glimpses of the past are
And now, for the very first time, I feel free. coming to us through the current tech-
I care about what is important to me. Hav- nology of Bluetooth. I powered on the dry
ing poured my 100% in everything I did, as sauna to show the kids the completion of
much as I knew how, is enough. I do not what we'd laboriously assembled in our
know how to calculate mortgage payments, bedroom, this strange and bulky contrap-
but I can calculate what weighs one down. tion that we told them was a time machine.
I don’t know what iPhone I am using, but My partner stands now at the side, testing
I know that when someone needs to talk, out the Bluetooth with sounds that trans-
I am there. I may not be able to track and port us.
analyze stocks, but I can talk honestly to Days and hours later, when the kids are
my closest people, about my broken past asleep in bed, I am surprised myself by the
and unknown future, all while being eter- realness of this time machine. I'm worn
nally thankful for my present. out by the week and the sauna invites me

So when at my first job interview after 20 in the dark. I curl up on its balmy bench
years, the recruiter at the other end asked and feel its heat melt me. This firm, rectan-
me what my strengths and weaknesses are, gular container filled with warm air seems
I smiled and thought, “I am enough, just oddly like the closest thing to a womb that
the way I am”. Still waiting to hear if I got an adult can come back to. I have a feeling
the job. I'll be reborn here, time and time again.

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