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Philautia: Self-love

Philautia is self-love. In our modern-day society, most people associate self-love with being nar-
cissistic, selfish, or stuck on themselves. However, this is not what the ancient Greeks meant by
self-love. Self-love is not negative or unhealthy in any way. In fact, it’s necessary to be able to
give and receive love from other people. We cannot give to others what we don’t have. And if
we don’t love ourselves, how can we truly love others?

Another way to look at self-love is by thinking about it as self-compassion. Just as you might
show affection and love to another person, you must also show that same affection and love to
yourself.

Philautia can be healthy or unhealthy. Unhealthy self-love is akin to hubris. In Ancient Greece, a
person could be accused of hubris if he placed himself above the gods, or, like certain modern
politicians, above the greater good. Many believed that hubris led to destruction, or nemesis.
Today, hubris has come to mean an inflated sense of one’s status, abilities, or accomplishments,
especially when accompanied by haughtiness or arrogance. As it disregards truth, hubris
promotes injustice, conflict, and enmity.

Healthy self-love is akin to self-esteem, which is our emotional appraisal of our own worth relative
to that of others. Self-esteem and self-confidence do not always go hand in hand. It is possible
to be highly self-confident and yet to have profoundly low self-esteem, as is the case with many
performers and celebrities.

People with high self-esteem do not need to prop themselves up with income, status, or
notoriety, or lean on crutches such as alcohol, drugs, or sex. They are able to invest themselves
completely in projects and people because they do not fear failure or rejection. Of course,
they suffer hurt and disappointment, but their setbacks neither damage nor diminish them.
Owing to their resilience, they are open to growth experiences and relationships, tolerant of risk,
quick to joy and delight, and accepting and forgiving of themselves and others.

The ancient Greeks divided Philautia into two kinds: There is one that is pure selfish and seeks
pleasure, fame, and wealth often leading to narcissism and there is another healthy kind of love
we give ourselves. Philautia is essential for any relationship, we can only love others if we truly
love ourselves and we can only care for others if we truly care for ourselves. This is not vanity, like
narcissism, but our joy in being true to our own values. The strength to care for ourselves so that
we can in turn care for others.

Example of Philautia love: Selfish Philautia love is the kind of love that takes and does not give
back in return. This is someone who only uses others to excel in life. Think about the social
climbers of the world. On the other hand, the positive kind of Philautia can be seen in a couple
that is a union, not a melting pot. They both do their own things, but they come together and
support each-others’ own growth.