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Pragma: Longstanding Enduring love

The everlasting love between a couple which develops over a long period of time. Pragma was
the highest form of love; the true commitment that comes from understanding, compromise
and tolerance. It is pragmatic this is why it is referred to as “standing in love” rather than “falling
in love” because it grows over time and requires profound understanding between lovers who
have been together for many years.

Pragma is a kind of practical love founded on reason or duty and one’s longer-term interests.
Sexual attraction takes a back seat in favour of personal qualities and compatibilities, shared
goals, and making it work. In the days of arranged marriages, pragma must have been very
common. Although unfashionable, it remains widespread, most visibly in certain high-profile
celebrity and political pairings. Many relationships that start off as Eros or Ludus end up as
various combinations of Storge and Pragma. Pragma may seem opposed to Ludus, but the two
can co-exist, with the one providing a counterpoint to the other.

The ancient Greeks define pragma as “enduring love.” In other words, it’s almost the opposite of
Eros (sexual love). Eros tends to burn out quickly because of its passion and intensity. However,
Pragma is a love that has matured and developed over a long period of time.

The kind of old married couples who have been together since their teenage years and still hold
hands, well, that’s a great example of pragma. Unfortunately, this kind of love is somewhat rare
to find – especially in society today. These days, low self-esteem, selfish neediness, lack of
communication and unrealistic expectations mean that people rarely have the tolerance,
patience or desire for love to grow over time. They aren’t prepared to wait, they want
perfection and they want it now.

Example of Pragma love: Think about your grandparents, and how they have endured so much,
but have always chosen each other. The love which endures in sickness and in health. The love
which makes a friend care for their former school friend who has become vulnerable in later life.

Mania: Obsessive Love

Mania is not necessarily a good type of love, because it is obsessive. It’s the type of love that
can lead someone into madness, jealousy, or even anger. That is because the balance
between Eros (sexual) and Ludus (playful) is terribly off.

Many people who experience this type of love suffer from low self-esteem. They fear losing the
object of their love, and this fear compels them to say or do some “crazy” things in order to
keep them.

If not kept under control, mania can be very destructive.